Monday, November 6, 2006

how bout some positivity... or positivitities?


in an effort to appease spc's anger at our crappy alcoholic attitude, let me say a few words of good whatever... good words or good vibes? words of hope maybe? or words of positive stuff that's cool and not depressing like saying "i ate too much and i can't stop farting, fuck this world!"... actually i didn't eat enough and i'm not farting at all. do think that if i start farting i won't be hungry anymore? i sucked in biology. i know about anuses, vaginas, tits and pussies, the four most important female body parts. or bodyparts? like cars? girls are kinda like cars really... i don't know how but they are. like, you can have sex in a car and you can go fast or really slow, and sometimes it's fun to go really slow and other times it pisses people off and sometimes it's fun to go fast but it can be dangerous and i heard some people have had their cocks bent in an explosion of weird pleasure and sudden striking pain. and the other reason why girls are like cars is that the nozzle of the thing at the gas station looks like a dick and the gas-hole (girls also have gas-holes, but different ones) looks like a vagina. well it doesn't but it does. and so when you get gas (girls get gassy too) it's like the gas station is fucking your car. so i guess men are gas stations and women cars. the other reason why girls are like cars are the car keys. you know, like keys are phallic and key holes are holes. so when you watch the nascar racing and you hear "gentlemen, start your engines!" what the guy really means is "bitch! get on your knees and hands and get ready for the ride of your life!" and you've noticed that nascar drivers wear a helmet? that's cause they're dicks and you should wear a rubber. and bus drivers don't wear helmets cause they're fags.
but that's not what i wanted to talk about at all... it's just that spc's comments about amazing sex have made me extremely horny. don't ask.
so i talked at this conference this morning and the audience was made up of grade 11 students who were taking part in a science forum. and i was part of the urban planning conference. and at first i thought, these kids are 16 years old, i'm gonna have to explain things really simply, i hope they'll understand what i'm trying to say. and i was kinda disappointed that i didn't get to say all i had to say... but anyway, i was really impressed with the questions they asked and their level of knowledge and concern for various political and environmental issues! they were amazing and i realized that they really wanted to get involved and change things and do stuff and learn stuff and discuss things! that's fucking awesome! and it's not like they were all nerds, they were regular 16 year old kids... and when i was 16 all i could think about was: sex, girls, drugs, booze, music, sex and girls... i guess i'm still 16 then.
so anyway, these kids gave me much hope about our future as i'm about to make my place as a professional, they're still trying to figure out what they're gonna do with their lives, but they certainly do know that they want to do good! I'll fucking drink to that all weekend next weekend, and then forget everything i learned.
ciao

30 comments:

Barbarosa said...

I'm glad they have you as a role-model. Your spirit is contagious.

Karl Hungus said...

Amen!

alex trebek said...

if by spirit you mean herpes, you're god damn fucking right it is!

Karl Hungus said...

Amen! Hallelujah!

alex trebek said...

you ok dave? did you just come twice?

Dementor said...

So kudos for the longest post ever.
Now let me ask you something. If women are cars, than what are tunnels? Lesbians?
and what are roads? sadomasochistic guys who like to get their balls crushed by girls wearing high heels?
And whats a bridge? some kind of sadomasochistic who likes to stretch between two chairs while having girls walking from one chair to another?
And whats a scrapyard? a women only cemetary? and whats an electric car? a fucking cock-tease virgin? and whats a bus? yo mama?
and whats a flying car? a menopaused woman that makes sense? oh yeah, they're still not invented.
So anyways, I guess you're right for once, women are really like cars. And I just made the longest comment. Kudos for me.
(what the fuck is a kudo anyways)

Dementor said...

So trebek is excited by spc AND he's got herpes.

eeeeeeeeeeeww

Dementor said...

So yeah, like, whatever.

Dementor said...

So, anyone went to see Borat yet?
Cause I'll kill you for it.

Dementor said...

So, why do I always start my comments with so.
SO.

So so.

So there you go, I just ripped the meaning from the word. It feels so much purilike.

Karl Hungus said...

No...but if I go, you can bet your ass I'll be splipping into a car to get there.

Dementor said...

so wait a sec, that wasnt the longest comment at all. I had forgotten about the hippy fag commenting about hippy fag indian music. Shit. This guy really pisses me off.

alex trebek said...

i'm not excited by spc... she just triggered some thoughts... i haven't had sex yesterday...that's all, i'm horny now.

alex trebek said...

well write about hippie faggy cars that are women or whatever.. hippie faggin' will get you a long way!

Dementor said...

So Trebek is horny AND he's got herpes.

eeeeeeewwww

Dementor said...

Live comment chatting rules !

alex trebek said...

spreading the good news the old fashion way my friend!

alex trebek said...

chat chat chat!!! i'm going home...ciao...

Dementor said...

"spreading the good news the good old fashion way"

Are you still using the herpes=spirit metaphore?

cause if so,

eeeeeeeeeewwww

Karl Hungus said...

Herpes isn't that bad. The trick is just to spread it all over the city so that it becomes the norm. Then you're just like everyone else.

Dementor said...

But what if I dont want to be part of the norm? does that make me an unwelcome misfit in herpes town? Will I not be able to integrate and make friends?

Karl Hungus said...

That the funny thing about herpes, it's such a fun word to say that you just wish you had it; whether you want to be part of the norm or not.

Dementor said...

well thats just not fair damn it.
I mean, this guy gets all the attention and comments on his posts just because of a few pus filled bubons around his genitals and I post hilarious stuff about eskimos and I get none in return.
Just because I dont have herpes doesnt mean you guys can segregate me.
Its not fair.


...


...

(david, will you give me herpes?
please?)

Karl Hungus said...

Hell ya!

Karl Hungus said...

I mean...





(hell ya)

Dementor said...

I just got it!

positivititties !

hihihi

So uncooth yet so clever!

Dementor said...

All right kids. Thats all for today for me.
I'm just going to back away from the computer, turn around, and walk through the door.
Here I go.


...


...


Well darnleedarndeedoodoodarndee! I'm still here!

Dementor said...

Now, if you go back 22 comments earlier in this conversation, you will notice that I linked Trebek's mom to a bus. I wanted to make sure you understood that by doing so, not only was I referring to the large features of said bus, but I was also pointing out the fact that people usually pay a fare to ride on said bus, which of course would make Trebek'mom not only fat, but a prostitute as well. Thank you for comprehending.

Dementor said...

And another thing.
Women are like cars because you need to turn them on if you wanna get anywhere.
you know.

Dementor said...

hey Trebek!
YOU SUCK!