Thursday, December 29, 2011

Collapse and the Abus.

You know, according to none other than George Soros, "most people don't realize the system has collapsed".

Pseudo journalists in the medias are asking if we're in recession.
Nobody's telling us the truth, except for obscure internet journalists.
I was reading this article which led me to this one, and then this one, and suddenly this thought that already had hit me before hit me again, but this time with more clarity.

Maybe the Abus are right (except for the parts on religion, and their take on women, and the human rights and stuff), maybe they're right about calling for a rejection of our western societies.

I'm thinking about the best way to definitely break apart with this society, and enter a new one. I just haven't found the good warp zone that will lead me to my new self.

But then again, do I really want to be on the side against the robots autonomously taking all the ethical decisions?


I just saw this movie, its called "Honey, I shrunk the kids".

Its ok.

Picture not related.

Sunday, December 25, 2011


I just saw this movie. Its called Fast Food Nation.
I recommend it to anyone of you (you know who you are) disgusting pigfuck who still eats at McDonalds, Burger King, or any other atrocious point of service for fat, primitive, deconsciencitized, repugnant, sub-reptilious, toxic cancerous cell of a shit eating bonehead collaborating with the forces engaged in maintaining this nightmare we've come to expect as normality.

I need to kill a human being.

(note to any surveilling unintelligence service : the last sentence was not meant in any way to express a real motivation to engage in any kind of homicidal action. Get some fucking brains, you pathetic moron.)

And BURN christmas. Fucking douse it in nitromethane and burn it.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Spek Engrish

Oh shit!

I just realized my last 2 posts were french.

Here's for redemption!


Wednesday, December 21, 2011


Quand vient le temps de s'acheter des bidules électroniques, le choix de boutiques à Montréal est assez vaste.
Je croyais avoir trouvé la meilleure boutique en ville avec SuperInfoTech. Ils ont effectivement des prix assez fous, comparables à ce qu'on peut se commander sur le net, les frais de livraison en moins. (exemple: GTX560 pour 220$)

J'ai découvert juste à côté de chez nous, sur la rue Ontario, une garde-robe avec un tas de bidules électroniques dedans et un vendeur sympathique. Ça s'appelle Mr. Prix et je crois qu'il est physiquement impossible de battre ses prix.

À titre de comparaison, voici la liste des items que je viens de m'acheter dans son bric à brac, avec les prix offerts par une autre boutique concurrente:

Pour ceux qui ne veulent pas faire le calcul, ça monterait à 120$ environ après taxes.

J'ai acheté exactement les mêmes trucs pour ces prix:

souris logitech bluetooth : 29.99
Câble HDMI 10pieds : 8.99
BlueTooth Dongle usb : 12.99

ça monte après taxe à : 59.21$

Essayez de battre ça!

Bon, sa garde-robe est assez petite, et il a pas une très grande quantité de bidules en stock, mais il suffit de vérifier sur le site web avant d'y aller, ou d'appeler le bonhomme.

En tout cas, je vais m'acheter une carte graphique pendant le boxing week, je vous laisserai savoir combien je l'aurai eue. (c'est incroyable les prix des cartes graphiques qui se vendent ces temps-ci... incroyable)

what's this?

Monday, December 19, 2011


and a fucking cool Batplane.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Friday, December 16, 2011

Napoleon, Meet Your New Favourite Goaltender

Ilya Bryzgalov. The action starts at 1:40.

Thursday, December 15, 2011


For those of you who don't understand the title, it stands for: "What the fucking fuck of a fuck?"

Am I Evil? Vol.2

Earlier today, I stepped into the bath to trim my asshole.
It was long overdue, after two full days of neglecting.
As I bent over with my mirror and razor in hands, I noticed an ant caught with me in the bath.
It was struggling against the smooth walls, trying to evade this deathly prison.
Its efforts were impressive, as it even used the human hair and micro pebbles of shit lying around to climb its way out.
As I watch its desperate struggle to escape, my first thought was not to feel sorry for this small, helpless wonder of nature, no. My first thought was to think how amusing it would be if I just stood there and watch it die out of thirst. And then I proceeded to the trimming of my asshole.

According to this piece of shit of a website, I'm 98% evil.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Am I Evil?

My mother wasn't a witch, and she wasn't burned alive.
Yet in the realms of Lucifer I fear my soul belongs.

I saw a Christmas jazz band today. They were playing encased in some sort of plastic air bubble. The air in the bubble was coming through an intake with a little heater that made it warm inside. The heater being more or less necessary in these days of global melting.
Anyways, as I stumbled upon the ensemble, the first idea that struck me wasnt how pleasant the whole thing was, no. My first thought was to think how funny it would be to plug in a can of CO in their air intake, and watch them slowly lose their consciousness as the music would fade away.

Friday, December 9, 2011


I haven't really wanted to check out any anime in years. I got the feeling the the genre was suffering from the same disease as Hollywood. This preview, however, gave me a boner.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Friday, December 2, 2011

The Only Thing Capitalists Fear Is the Working Class Getting Organized

I know, it's not peer approved and anyways, it shows correlation and not causation. Still, food for thought.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

A Friendly Question

Think about all your friends. Let's define friends as someone you could easily have a beer with for an hour. This can be a pretty wide or narrow population depending on how social you are.

Now that you have a group of people in mind, let's say some nefarious personage gave you the following choice: "I will cut off your dick and balls or kill one of your friends."

What do you choose and who do you have killed?

Please don't use real names. Do use code names (with an explanation if needed) to refer to real people though.

I'll go first. I'm keeping my dick and balls so I'm going to get Sidney (he walks on cars) killed. I don't have anything against him, in fact I like hanging around with him. I just think it would be funny to think I had him killed. Also, it totally sounds like the type of thing that would happen to him, so no one would question it.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Que pensez-vous de ceci ?

Exprimez-vous sans aucune restriction.

Laissez libre cours à ce que cette vidéo vous inspire.

(sauf Karl Hungus, lui on sait déjà ce qu'il pense vu que c'est français, le con)

Monday, November 28, 2011

its 2011... soon 2012.. .and I've never ever heard of this...

and after watching 5 minutes of it I'm starting to understand why...

OMG its fucking awful!!!

(the cartoons are pretty good though)

Would you sit on this guy's lap?

Because chances are... he's somebody's uncle.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Why Metal gets a bad rep


After many line-up changes and some live shows the band split up around 1999. Before that they had recorded High Level Cannibalistic Violence demo tape. The style on this demo was death metal and only 50 copies were made. In 2001 the band returned for a split with Lymphatic Phlegm and after that called it quits again. However, Goregiastic Records offered them a deal, the band accepted it and recorded their first full-length Erotic Diarrhea Fantasy.

...WTF. I guess the rule is, if you're afraid to Google Image search an album title and/or band name, it's officially bad taste.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Recess! Who is the author of these fine lines?

Everybody’s been too damn polite about this nonsense:

The “Occupy” movement, whether displaying itself on Wall Street or in the streets of Oakland (which has, with unspeakable cowardice, embraced it) is anything but an exercise of our blessed First Amendment. “Occupy” is nothing but a pack of louts, thieves, and rapists, an unruly mob, fed by Woodstock-era nostalgia and putrid false righteousness. These clowns can do nothing but harm America.

“Occupy” is nothing short of a clumsy, poorly-expressed attempt at anarchy, to the extent that the “movement” – HAH! Some “movement”, except if the word “bowel” is attached - is anything more than an ugly fashion statement by a bunch of iPhone, iPad wielding spoiled brats who should stop getting in the way of working people and find jobs for themselves.

This is no popular uprising. This is garbage. And goodness knows they’re spewing their garbage – both politically and physically – every which way they can find.

Wake up, pond scum. America is at war against a ruthless enemy.

Maybe, between bouts of self-pity and all the other tasty tidbits of narcissism you’ve been served up in your sheltered, comfy little worlds, you’ve heard terms like al-Qaeda and Islamicism.

And this enemy of mine — not of yours, apparently - must be getting a dark chuckle, if not an outright horselaugh - out of your vain, childish, self-destructive spectacle.

In the name of decency, go home to your parents, you losers. Go back to your mommas’ basements and play with your Lords Of Warcraft.

Or better yet, enlist for the real thing. Maybe our military could whip some of you into shape.

They might not let you babies keep your iPhones, though. Try to soldier on.


Wednesday, November 23, 2011


I know the musical context is a bit dated but the very end of this rant stands true. Something like 12 years ago, our friend Henry astutely asked us where the balls are at. I think things have only gotten worse since. I'll explain this later in a more detailed and well referenced essay. For now, all I can say is: "I don't know Henry, I just don't know".

It's funny, 'cause it's true.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Speaking of Glenn...

I'm jubilating...

Check this out!!!


(goddamn Glenn Beck never dies!)

edit: I did it! I killed them all!!!

Habs vs Bruins

They lost but they played and skated well. Gomez tried hard (although he could have backchecked better on the goal). Emelin hit like a god. Thus, it was a "good" loss. Also, you may have noticed at one point there was a stoppage in play and you could see the entire crowd looking away from the ice. They were looking at a fight. This fight:

Monday, November 21, 2011

Pussy Time

The Hangover

I love this picture.

I mean, I realize it's disgusting and the man is rather pathetic, not to mention that it is totally unfair for subway passengers to have to live through that.

That being said, I love it because I have created a little scenario around the monologue the man must have had upon waking up. None of the following happens in his head. It happens out loud. He's speaking to himself, but out loud. Anyhow, after a particularly debaucherous evening of positively unhealthy bodily abuse through drug and alcohol abuse, our anti-hero Steeve wakes up feeling like shit (pun intended).

"Mmmmhwat? huh?"

"Where? What happened?"

"Oh, shit, no."

"Oh, shit!"

"Oh, SHIT!"


But honestly, I wonder what he did when he got up. I'd love to see the video of it.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Friday, November 18, 2011

La question de la pas tuer.

Je poser moi sérieuses questions...

j'éditerai ce message dans plus tard, je n'ai pas de temps en l'instant.

Interview Yves PACCALET par Monsieur_DD

La question de la tuer.

C'est un bon exercice à la question vos idées les plus acceptées, les opinions que vous avez forgée il ya longtemps, les problèmes moraux que vous avez résolu et déposé dans la section résolue de votre esprit. Ces principes acceptés depuis longtemps et les idées de définir qui nous sommes et il est difficile de les examiner comme si elles étaient de nouveaux concepts, de douter de la façon dont nous les comprendre, c'est à douter de notre propre construction. C'est un bon exercice, car il vous permet de définir vous-même plus fortement, en fonction de vos expériences récentes, il rend votre intelligence plus solide, plus valide, au lieu de s'appuyer sur la morale que vous volontairement vagues accepté comme un gamin.
Il ya trois semaines je suis allé chasser des perdrix . Ces oiseaux sont intéressants dans leur comportement. Ils ont presque toujours se déplacer dans les couples, hommes et femmes vivent leur vie ensemble, de manière très anthropomorphique. Lorsque vous tuez un, l'autre réagit à sa manière particulière. Parfois, il va tenter de s'échapper et se cacher de vous, parfois, il va paniquer et voler frénétiquement aournd son partenaire décédé, parfois, il sera simplement geler et se donner à votre canon mortifère. Ces comportements seraient probablement pas loin de la façon dont un homme réagirait si son bien-aimé devait être shotgunned morts.
Et comme j'ai tué mon premier couple de perdrix, j'ai commencé à penser de la moralité de tuer les êtres humains. Pourquoi est-il mauvais de tuer un homme? Ce qui rend la vie d'un être humain beaucoup plus importante que la vie d'un oiseau? Est-il vraiment que beaucoup plus important?

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Wednesday, November 16, 2011 service des riches et des fascistes

Bunch of thugs.

Bloomberg Now!

This is worth the watch... at some point he looked like he was going to completely lose it.

Burqas n Bikes

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Saturday Night

Did you guys have fun without me? I spent part of the night looking at rectal prolapse videos with my girlfriend.

Definitely worth a view, especially with the (in)appropriate music. If you can't watch 'till the very end, at least skip to 3:40. I busted a gut laughing.

So this is just crazy...

Earth | Time Lapse View from Space | Fly Over | Nasa, ISS from Michael König on Vimeo.

Time lapse sequences of photographs taken with a special low-light 4K-camera
by the crew of expedition 28 & 29 onboard the International Space Station from
August to October, 2011.

HD, refurbished, smoothed, retimed, denoised, deflickered, cut, etc.

Music: Jan Jelinek - Do Dekor (Loop-Finding-Jazz-Records) | ~scape 007 cd |

Editing: Michael König |

Image Courtesy of the Image Science & Analysis Laboratory,
NASA Johnson Space Center, The Gateway to Astronaut Photography of Earth

Shooting locations in order of appearance:

1. Aurora Borealis Pass over the United States at Night
2. Aurora Borealis and eastern United States at Night
3. Aurora Australis from Madagascar to southwest of Australia
4. Aurora Australis south of Australia
5. Northwest coast of United States to Central South America at Night
6. Aurora Australis from the Southern to the Northern Pacific Ocean
7. Halfway around the World
8. Night Pass over Central Africa and the Middle East
9. Evening Pass over the Sahara Desert and the Middle East
10. Pass over Canada and Central United States at Night
11. Pass over Southern California to Hudson Bay
12. Islands in the Philippine Sea at Night
13. Pass over Eastern Asia to Philippine Sea and Guam
14. Views of the Mideast at Night
15. Night Pass over Mediterranean Sea
16. Aurora Borealis and the United States at Night
17. Aurora Australis over Indian Ocean
18. Eastern Europe to Southeastern Asia at Night

I hate women

Vajra (Devanagari: वज्र, Chinese: 金剛 jīngāng; Tibetan རྡོ་རྗེ། (Wylie: rdo rje) dorje,[1][2][3] Japanese: Kongō 金剛. In Sanskrit word meaning both thunderbolt and diamond.[2] As a material device, the vajra is a ritual object, a short metal weapon—originally a kind of fist-iron like Japanese yawara—that has the symbolic nature of a diamond (it can cut any substance but not be cut itself) and that of the thunderbolt (irresistible force).

The vajra is believed to represent firmness of spirit and spiritual power.[4] It is a ritual tool or spiritual implement which is symbolically used by Buddhism, Jainism and Hinduism, all of which are traditions of Dharma. Because of its symbolic importance, the vajra spread along with Indian religion and culture to other parts of Asia. It was used as both a weapon and a symbol in Nepal, India, Tibet, Bhutan, Siam, Cambodia, Myanmar, China, Korea and Japan.[citation needed]

King Vajra was Yadava dynasty's last surviving king, son of King Aniruddha. Vajra is also a common male name in Tibet and Bhutan. Vajra / Dorje can also refer to a small sceptre held in the right hand by Tibetan lamas during religious ceremonies.

Saturday, November 12, 2011


The Office (US) - St. Patrick's Day and Arkona par Hetil

The name of the band "Arkona" refers to the last pagan Slavic city-castle. Fucking Christians.

Friday, November 11, 2011

This Is Weird

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Moon Bike

And so I was studying Big Boy's human powered vehicle chart when I stumbled upon one of the entry describing a moon bike's specs.

"What the hells a moon bike?" I uttered to meself.

And so I went to look it up on the web'O'Matrix and I found this, of course.

Drag Chart

I figure I must be a 4.95. I ride in touring position but I have big body. So big in fact, they used to call me "Big Boy" on my high school hockey team. The coach's dad started that one. I remember he would grab my helmet and yell in my face. It wasn't the yelling or awful dentition that was the problem. It was the bad breath. Speaking of which, we had the shittiest team name ever: The Dynamics. I like to think it was because we had dynamic personalities.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

My thrash can

So I stopped gnawing on my rotten Antrax detritus and looked around my thrash can to find something else, something different. And what I found surpassed any expectations I might have had...

To my great surprise and infinite joy, I stumbled upon this marvelous piece of decaying metal from the smelly underbellies of mother torture :

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I wanted to build my first website.

See, I had this very good idea. Website would be called "".
You'd go there, and you'd have about 10 tabs listing different kinds of objects or reasons to hate, like : ethnic, gender, age, sexual orientation, species, and more specific.
Then if you'd click on any of them you'd have sub-genres, for instance if someone clicked on gender, then you'd have : male, female, trans-gender... and then if you'd click on any of those, you'd fall on a bulletin board with completely uncensored posts from anyone needing to ventilate their hatred towards the chosen object of hate.
Also the music in the background would be shuffling through Slayer's discography.

I had it all figured out, the interfaces, the web design, everything...

So before anything I checked the cybersphere, to see if anyone had already had the idea, and to my great surprise, NO! no one owns the domain!

Then I found out how much those 4 letters cost...

Who would have known that hate was such an expensive concept. Its almost impossible.
Its as if the socialist hippies or some other sissy peace loving communist organization had overbidded on it so as to stop us honest, hard working, freedom loving citizens from going ahead with this project which only aims to help the people express themselves. I dunno what an escrow is, but it definitely suits the french definition.


Monday, November 7, 2011

Yo Mamma

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Reason PC is better than console #15: BUS SIMULATORS!!!

See, its kinda like GTA, but without the violence, the sex, the drugs, the devil music and all thats wrong!

Its a bus simulator! With real bus driving, and bus driver action!

You'll never, ever find this on PS3 or Xbox

(watch the whole thing, at some point theres something awesome happening, its really worth it!)

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Ivan's jacket

Its decided: I'm getting Ivan's jacket.

I need ideas for what to write on the back of it though.

Could you guys help me out?

These are the only ideas I've had so far:

1- Punk Rock Jock
2- Efilnikufesin
3- De-evolution Squad

Friday, October 28, 2011

Maybe Quebec Isn't that Bad

As much as it seems we are on a downward spiral, it appears some have a more acute spiral. This does not in anyways change our situation but it does provide empty comfort.

Cardinal's cap

I can understand all you Anthrax haters... I mean, the band is practically responsible for rap metal...

Thursday, October 27, 2011

My new fav band!

Hey guys!

Meet the Stormtroopers of Death!

An excellent thrash band that formed in 85...

these guys are most excellent, but not as much as their lyrics!

You come into this country
You can't get real jobs
Boats and boats and boats of you
Go home you fuckin' slobs
Selling hot dogs on the corner
Selling papers in the street
Pushing, pulling, digging, sweating
Where you come from must be beat

You always make us wait
You're the ones we hate
You can't communicate
Speak English Or Die

You don't know what I want
You don't know what I need
Why must I repeat myself
Can't you fuckin' read?
Nice fuckin' accents
Why can't you speak like me
What's that dot on you head,
Do you use it to see??

(oh yeah, and Barbie said their drummer sucks!)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Monday, October 17, 2011

They're triangulating on this position.

I'm supposed to be studying XSLT for this exam I have next friday.

So I started getting prepared to dive into lesson one and next thing I knew I was stuck in one of those dreaded life threatening, soul squandering "cyber-vortex".

I wanted to share with you the last unexplainable fucked up object of procrastination (UFUOP)that hit and sent me back into reality. I do believe its the voice of the guy at 8:30 that brang me back into the concrete dimension of reality.

Dont worry about me, I'll be starting this studying session as soon as I'm done with finalizing my thorough analysis of the collapse of tower 7.

And Another Thing About the Jews

They make really good hummus.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Beatles... and dead babies? with chunks of meat? WTF?

It Does Not Matter That No One Will Ever Know

No one will ever know.


It used to bug me how we'll never know what really happened that day.
It doesnt anymore. I just dont give a shit.
I know human beings are capable of the worst monstrosities, and I wouldnt be surprised if George Dubyah ordered the 9/11 attacks because he lost a bet, but anyways, I thought this video captured well the absurd essence of the unanimously and unquestionably accepted explanations:


Note to Self

I need to go to this museum.

Also, did you notice the diplodocus at the Old Port? It's pretty cool. Alas, it isn't as big as they were back in the good old days.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Friday, October 14, 2011

Good Reason not to get into a Fight with a Stranger

Also, what the fuck were they thinking, going behind the counter like that. Keepin' it real, no doubt.

I also find this video makes for interesting debate fodder.

Additionally, this made me think of the Contagion debacle.

I Likey this too

If only for the irony.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


Concept by BNKR

Quest for Moral: Part 3

What the hell is she talking about?!


I dont know why, I woke up last night with this crazy idea.
Of course I knew it would already be on the cybernetworks, as everything that will ever have been thought is already there.

Still, weird thought.. and its in the mexican webosphere. I guess they're just good at burying things... and people...

Monday, October 10, 2011

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Quest For Moral : Part 2

Fucking the fuckers : Is it right to wrong the wrong?

le mugu par mozinor

The Quest for Moral : Part 1

I've embarked on a quest to find, capture and completely comprehend Moral.
In this first step of this long and difficult journey, I will listen to the words of this man.
Whether you agree with him or not, he truly seems to know what is right and what is wrong.
Although he did fully believe in the Moral, other people who believed in another Moral, found him and killed him.

The moral of his story, I do not know, but I swear that by the end of this journey, I will detain it, understand it, when I finally know the meaning of the Moral.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


This needs to be tried by us.

Monday, October 3, 2011

The pinnacle of American Deevolution.

American Juggalo from Sean Dunne on Vimeo.

I'm pretty sure if someone did a DNA analysis on these people they'd find elevated traces of Neanderthalism. Possiby the whole Neanderthal earth population would be found there.


And if you read Journal de Montréal, you'll think the public health care system is out to get you and that crime is rampant.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

I'm not sure what I like best, his idea, or his name...

Euthanasia Coaster from Julijonas Urbonas on Vimeo.

Classic case of being born too late.
This guy should have served under Himmler in Aushwitz.
That camp would be so much more fun to visit.


Those anti-abortion guys should really stop posting pictures of dead babies

If only because they could possibly get someone aroused.

... Not that I would ever be aroused by this. I'm just saying.


Moving on.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

3 Things I'd Like to Discuss With You

1. His lack of emotion combined with his silly mise-en-scènes.
2. His expertise.
3. The fact he is wearing an SS cap.

After Ahmadinejad, my new favourite humorist!

Alykhan Velshi!

This guy's amazing.
I always thought the neo-cons utter lack of humour could only be explained by the fact that humour is a form of intelligence, and because neo-conservatism prohibits all forms of intelligence, a witty and funny neo-con was therefore incompatible with their own laws.
But thanks to this awesome indian dude, I can only say I was wrong all along.

Velshi's humour is so subtle and powerful it's a bit hard to grasp at first.
But after a while one slowly comes to realize the incredible lucidity of his powerful intellect.

Here are some of his best quotes
(warning... total enlightenment and subduing of your mind might ensue)

"When petroleum reserves were deposited around the world, it is unfortunate that they were all given to the world's bastards. With the exception of Canada, most of them are with the world's bastards. You need to recognize that when you are buying oil."

"In an ethical country like Canada, we obviously take the environment a lot more seriously than the Chinese regime does: it's why we hear so much concern about the oilsands carbon footprint from NGOs, politicians and in the media. You won't hear nearly as much criticism in China, or Venezuela, for that matter. The fact that Canadians care so much about the planet - and that we have the freedom to express our concerns - is one of the many reasons that we know Canada is a more ethically minded country than most."

His website is totally cool too.
Go check it out for a good honest laugh.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Monday, September 19, 2011

fuck off, thieves!

The Cheeky

luckily i don't need more than a bungee cord to protect my bike in Seattle, but if my two-wheeled goddess ever graces the shores of Montreal again, you know she'll be protected by one of these.

whoa nelly!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Unmasking the villains

wait a minute....



Saturday, September 17, 2011

Contagion : The Critique

Last Tuesday was rainy and my friend Needles and I went to the movies. We wanted to see Contagion at the Paramount. My friend drinks a lot and enjoys sedatives so before anything we went to the park in front of the Sun Life building for a couple of beers and joints. It started to rain really hard before we had time to light the joint up so we went for cover in an alley behind Chez Paré. There we smoked up, taking cover from the pouring rain. As we scrambled our minds in this dark alley, a feeling of doom ensnared me and for a brief moment I could clearly see myself many years from now. This vision had me as an indigent elderly man wallowing in his own filth, gasping for breath as indifferent passers walked by.
Once we deemed our minds well scrambled, we ran to and entered the theater, as thunder cracked in the sky.


The lobby was full packed with dry looking people on which I decided to rub my drenched cloths so they would leave us alone and I could maybe get less humid before entering the movie. We waited in line until a clerk told us the 19:30 presentation was sold out. Nevermind, we'd take 2 for 10 o'clock. The clerk mumbled that a scratch on the screen brang the tickets down 50 cents. Thats 50 cents on twelve dollars, for a full discount of about 4%. We laughed it off and paid him, eeger to observe the scratch.
But now we had to wait another 2 hours so we decided to go wait in a pub nearby.
Needles and I being fast drinkers, it would be fair to say that we were both considerably affected coming out of this pub, having been drinking beer at a rate of 2 litres per hour. Once outside, we went for another little toke. Then we soon realized that the humid haze that was making us a bit cold was indeed the pouring rain and we ran back to the theater, although in a bit more erratic and slower fashion than earlier. We entered the theater, as thunder cracked in the sky.


The lobby was full packed with the same dry looking people who seemed to be exiting the last presentation, so we went through them and got to the cinema. As we made our way to the seats in the back, I looked up at the screen to evaluate the size of the scratch. I didnt see anything, except a very thin green line that went across the screen, at about one tenth the screen height from the top. Nothing to be annoid with, I thought. When I turned back, I saw Needles sipping on a flask of whisky. There was a black skull on the flask. He looked at me grinning and told me he'd just found it on the seat next to mine. He offered me some and I told him to fuck off, as the movie begun.

Contagion stars a woman called Gwyneth Paltrow, and she dies within 15 minutes of the start, a moment after which I decided was a good time to go take a leak. Coming back to my seat, I heard Needles tell our neighbours to 'shut the fuck up'. So I sat down at the exact same moment when they started reacting to his demand. It was only then that I noticed the two people sitting next to us. Judging by their voice (I couldnt clearly see them in the dark), I assessed they were 2 english speaking females of black skin. They were in their early 20s or something, and they reacted quite strongly, in a very stereotyped kind of reaction that might be expected from young english females of black skin who were just told to shut the fuck up. If you dont know what I'm referring to, you might or might not wanna listen to this or this or even this.
Anyways. Given my situation as the in between guy caught in the middle of this shit,
I tried to calmly explain to the girls that normally, people dont talk in a cinema, as it could potentially... but she interrupted me with a : 'UUUARRRRGHH!! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO MEEEEEEEE!'. And Needles and I chose to ignore them and they eventually shut up. And Needles kept on sipping on the black skull whisky.
So the movie went on, and did I mention how much I hate Matt Damon? I remember seeing Larry Fishburne at one point. Everytime I see him I think about how big he got after Apocalypse now. Forget about DeNiro or Christian Bale man, Larry Fishburne in Apocalypse Now! the guy is like 200 pounds lighter than in any other movie.
Anyways, so the movie went on, and its quite boring actually, I mean, its a contagion movie, but you dont see the slightest trace of pus. To me that really didnt make sense. And then, all of a sudden, I'm getting attacked by all sides. Out of nowhere comes falling on me this avalanche of fat flobby yelling flesh, out of the blue theres tits, belly, fat arms and tits all over me and the 2 black girls are screaming and yelling and throwing themselves in my general direction.
Now, you (the reader) may or may not judge me on my actions, but you werent there.
This was very startling, and my reaction was really just instincts. A reflex. I jolted up at the wobbling masses dangling over me, and pushed against them as hard as I could. Now I know how to push: I used my legs and my upper body to propulse the attackers as far away from me as possible. They went down quite violently and didnt got up. They looked up at me and started yelling that Needles had stolen their whisky flask, the one with the black skull. And they started screaming at Needles again.
Thats when I realized what was going on. At this point everyone in the movie theater was staring at us and some of them were standing and others were yelling and hollering at us. So I started screaming too, I was telling them to take it outside. I dont know if I was screaming at the girls or at the crowd in the cinema, but I was yelling as hard as I could: TAKE IT OUTSIDE!!! TAKE IT OUTSIDE!! and I was covering the screams of the 2 girls. So eventually everyone calmed down, Needles gave back the flask, and we went on with the movie. Its possible that Larry Fishburne didnt survive the altercation because I didnt see him the rest of the movie, or I dont remember.
Needles felt really bad about all of this, especially since he'd emptied the flask. I was just glad I was still prong enough to lift two fat screaming bitches.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Monday, September 12, 2011


I'm glad none of you made any jokes about 9/11 because that would have been just plane bad.

Holy shit

This is the best way to pay homage to one of the shittiest cartoons in history:

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Monday, September 5, 2011

Friday, September 2, 2011

Wednesday, August 31, 2011