Monday, December 31, 2007

the eve

I'm never celebrating the eve again. Ever.
By solidarity with Emile 2008.

Friday, December 28, 2007

merry christmas sickos


Since we're on the eroticism note:

Thursday, December 27, 2007

And now, for some crass eroticism

FUUUUUJURURURU! I say, she is quite the brick shithouse, that one.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Special musc by special kids

Dear Blog,

I'm done complaining for the year now.
Let me rant about something else though, something that occured to me while being shocked and awed by the amazingness of the Kids of Whiney High.
It goes like this : what if...

(I strongly suggest you to go fetch the song "Respect" by these splendid musicians and that you listen to it while reading this message of hope. its what inspired me, as if the redemptor himself was typing through my hands)

what if the norm as normaly defined by quantity was rather defined by quality.

Let me illustrate : take Amresh in full Shiva combat fatigue and place him on a bus in lets say Outremont. As you all know, Mr. Puri, as the vilain petit canard that he is, firmly believes he is like the people surrounding him on this bus, he aspires to be like these ultra-bourgeois pseudo intellectuels fartsy fuckers. Sadly for him, it is not the case, and he is labeled by these elitist shitheads as an abnormal, unworthy of their scorn and condescending laughs. But what gives these asses the right to laugh him down are their numbers! Not their qualities! If the bus was instead filled with an Amresh militia and a miserable and slimy outremondain was to climb aboard, tis he who'd be laughed down by the colorful herd of special and sympathetic fellows. What I mean to say is, in a fair world, normality would be defined by the whole of the person's characteristics, and so lets look at ourselves for a little while. Lets probe deep in our souls and see the sarcasm and the desillusioned view that we've come to take on this sad and hostile world, take this big shell of corrupted sentiments and place it next to the unprotected mind of a kid with Down syndrome. The question I ask you today is the following : is it really you that is normal? Or this lovely smiling ray of light, incapable of the least note of sarcasm and irony, this sincere jewel of the earth, sent to us like a heavenly angel here to remind us that yes, there is still hope, there is still place for honesty and love in this universe and... ... shit. The song just stopped. Now I have to face stupid reality again.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas eve

Dear Blog,

today is christmas eve day and I'm alone by myself.
I'm about to take my shitcar to drive to my shitjob and spend the whole night alone by myself without anyone deprived of company, in an oil refinery. I just had a phonefight with my mom over not spending xmas with her and my sisters, but rather with a 54 year old fuming metallic piece of environment destroying toxic oil producing end of the world pipe and tanks complex. Well, its still better then spending it with my dad.
I feel like the anti-hero of some too bad its good horror movie, except the only gremlin that will show up will be my supervisor, a very grumpy and very old grumpy old man who doesnt answer when I talk to him. Yes, this year's chrismas will be a good one for me. One to remember. Oh, I almost forgot, but, dear blog, guess where I'll be spending the new year's eve?

My resolution this year is more scatophilia.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Taking down hippies

This guy rocks. The government should fund a bitching center for hippies.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Taking down Bell

This guy rocks. The government should fund a bitching center for Bell.

plutôt celle-ci

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

BLIMEY!!! I've got the Homeworld source code!!! Awe inducing and sentimentally inspiring!!!


Boy, do I love laughing. What's funny about laughing is that sometimes something is absolutely hilarious, and yet you don't laugh out loud. You play around with it in with head, savouring the hilarity, but not laughing.

Here's an example.

I'm reading my beloved Onion, more specically, I'm in one of my favourite features, What Do You Think?. The question that day* was (will be?) : ''Germany’s interior minister called the Church of Scientology "an unconstitutional organization" and said the nation is seeking to ban the group. What do you think?''

Ted Berg, a systems analyst, answers :

"This is, without question, the worst instance of religious persecution Germany has ever authorized."

The Onion - Germany To Ban Scientology

*The odd thing was that it was dated December 19th! But we were only December 17th! Crazy I know. As I write this on December 18th, I am still unsure of the process. HOW DO THEY MANAGE TO ASK PEOPLE'S OPINIONS IN THE FUTURE?

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Friday, December 14, 2007

Chamonix 2008

Okayyyy.... the end of the year is coming and I'd really like to spend it with you guys but I'm not sure I've got a transport to get all the way to tremblant so if you could be so kind as to post exactly when you intend to leave for the chalet (date and time) so if your departure coincides with mine you can get a chance to cut with spazz, anne-marie and me in our renting of a car.
I cant leave before the 30th (that would be on monday).

Thursday, December 13, 2007

speaking of northface

I can't take it anymore. I thought these boots were a one-season fashion faux pas (no pun intended), but they're back???? can anyone explain this to me?

I heart India (# 39473 in a series)


I quote:

"A judge in India has summoned two Hindu gods, Ram and Hanuman, to help resolve a property dispute."

"The gods have been asked to appear before the court on Tuesday, after the judge said that letters addressed to them had gone unanswered."

BBC Article

Times of India Article

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

My Official Christmas Video

My original post was gonna involve "Santa The Rapist" here, but I decided to change my mind.

It's not fair that Santa steals the spotlight at this time of year, so I thought I'd put up something to remind everyone of the baby Jesus ... kinda.

Merry Christmas everyone!

i'm bringing the blog back to its roots.... die scatologica! die!

The Bringer Of The Apocalypse

It has always been suggested that the bringer of the Apocalypse would come from an unlikely place. I never thought it would be one of my close friends. I'd been thinking all night about what Napoleon Bonerpants said in his post when casting his vote of Nay. My conclusion was that he was right; that posting such a video was wrong. But then I wake up this morning to find that he has posted reactions to the very video I was going to post!!! YOU HAVE FORCED MY HAND, NAPOLEON BONERPANTS!! YOU are the bringer of the Apocalypse and the destroyer of all that is morally sacred! In response to your last post, you leave me no choice but to share this video, and before the polls close. You have not only thrown away morality, but democracy as well.

May your name and this day be remembered!!!

Oh yeah, and Merry Christmas. I posted the link because it doesn't always work.


Monday, December 10, 2007

The scatalocalypse has begun

The following video shows people willingly infecting themselves with the brown and nutty fever. This is no laughing matter, there is no stopping this outbreak now. I have feared this day for ten years. This dreaded affliction has become a common and therefore, acceptable form of entertainment. This is only the first phase. After exposure comes mimicry. And the end will come as our wired world slowly turns into the eighth circle of hell. Shipwreck, this is your self fulfilling prophecy. As your name so aptly suggests, you are the bringer of your own misfortune. You may very well be the last one to hold on to the sinking mast but mark my words, you too will drown in a sea of feces.

Coup d'État!

Hey Candyman! Democracy is for girls. Japanese girls. Japanese girls in a tub. And boy did they vote. Who knew that's how you voted in Japan.

- Watch More Videos

Its funny because all of this talk of shit eating reminded me of this nasty video from CEGEP days or was it early university days? Whatever.

That being said, I am left with the questions.

1. The video I posted was a bar. Will it be raised?
2. Candyman,does the video you are thinking about have anything to do with 1 cup?


Please vote on whether or not I should post the worst shit-eating video I've ever seen. The polls close on Wednesday at noon.


hey guys!!

try this for happy christmas times!!!
try it for real :

step 1 : scroll down to the bottom of this screen,

step 2 : click on "December 2006 (441)"

step 3 : scroll down till you get to the christmas greeting cards

step 4 : scroll down slowly through the christmas cards (till the end)

and voila!

Merry christmas!!!

The internet loves you.

PS: I somehow managed to stumble upon the worst shit-eating video in existence today. I don't know how, but the internet just led me there. Could this be the beginnings of a new standard of taboos. Should I try eating shit?

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Winter Clothes

Is it me, or does half the population of Montreal have a North Face jacket?

Enfin LA solution aux problèmes du multi-culturalisme : Le Communautarisme.

Kémi Séba prévient un groupe de SKINHEADS
Vidéo envoyée par freshizzle

* Kémi Séba dénonce le sionisme de Sarkozy :

- A l'école, on a appris que la haine attire la haine! LA HAINE ATTIRE LA HAINE!

- Ouais ben casse-toi ! Cassez-vous tous les deux ! J'ai pas besoin de vous moi toute manière hein ! Et moi j'sais encore qui j'suis et d'où j'viens!

- Ouais ben r'tournes-y connard et ferme ta gueule !

-Moi j'suis de la rue, moi... et tu sais ce qu'elle m'a appris la rue à moi ? Elle m'a appris que si tu tends la joue et ben tu t'fais niquer ta mère et puis c'est tout !

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Dear God...

Sometimes when procrastinating, one comes across something on the internet that snaps them out of zombie mode, sending them back out into the real world to accomplish rather than to squander. Today, for me, it was this:

New Year's eve....

So I thought i'd give everyone a head's up and an option for what to do on New Year's Eve... I know some of you opose the idea of going to bars for that occasion but korova is small and if all your friends are there, well, that's what counts, no?
anyway, so this is what we're doing at korova this year...

Weekends Never end & A Fly Is On The Wall Present



Half Baked (live from 11:30 til midnight)

Hovatron (Bassculture)
A fly is on the wall
We Are Ortiz (we are wolves)
Heidy & Trebek

champagne at midnight + super special on vodka/guru as long as supplies last
8$ in advance/10$ at the door
tickets will be on sale this weekend at korova and at caffè in gamba (mon-fri 11am-2pm)...

Geek Fodder

No one told me the future would be like this.

CAUTION: Must be 18 to watch this crap.

Click here and enjoy

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Response to Shipwreck

The answer is yes.

Shipwreck (comment section of "bike-tips-by-sycophantic-backstabber" post) : Can we replace the wheels with skis?

Sycophantic Backstabber : Yes. Well, if you change the question to "Can we replace the (front) wheel with a ski?

i say we get a 19 bernard BRIQUE

sycophant's site

please??? amy & I are in fo' sho

Don't cry Candyman and Woody Esplanade, look how November picked up!

Monday, December 3, 2007

Bike Tips by Sycophantic Backstabber Chapter 12 : How to Bike in Snow

Ok class, settle down. Today`s topic is weather appropriate. Essentially, I will teach you how to properly bike in the snow.

Through experience, trial and error, I have determined that the best way to peddle in the snow is to refer to Chapter 13 : How to Bike in Sand. Read that chapter and just imagine the sand as less gritty and whiter; unless its not virgin snow, then imagine the sand as less gritty, blacker, browner and nastier.

Any questions?