Monday, December 31, 2007

the eve

I'm never celebrating the eve again. Ever.
By solidarity with Emile 2008.

Friday, December 28, 2007

merry christmas sickos


Since we're on the eroticism note:

Thursday, December 27, 2007

And now, for some crass eroticism

FUUUUUJURURURU! I say, she is quite the brick shithouse, that one.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Special musc by special kids

Dear Blog,

I'm done complaining for the year now.
Let me rant about something else though, something that occured to me while being shocked and awed by the amazingness of the Kids of Whiney High.
It goes like this : what if...

(I strongly suggest you to go fetch the song "Respect" by these splendid musicians and that you listen to it while reading this message of hope. its what inspired me, as if the redemptor himself was typing through my hands)

what if the norm as normaly defined by quantity was rather defined by quality.

Let me illustrate : take Amresh in full Shiva combat fatigue and place him on a bus in lets say Outremont. As you all know, Mr. Puri, as the vilain petit canard that he is, firmly believes he is like the people surrounding him on this bus, he aspires to be like these ultra-bourgeois pseudo intellectuels fartsy fuckers. Sadly for him, it is not the case, and he is labeled by these elitist shitheads as an abnormal, unworthy of their scorn and condescending laughs. But what gives these asses the right to laugh him down are their numbers! Not their qualities! If the bus was instead filled with an Amresh militia and a miserable and slimy outremondain was to climb aboard, tis he who'd be laughed down by the colorful herd of special and sympathetic fellows. What I mean to say is, in a fair world, normality would be defined by the whole of the person's characteristics, and so lets look at ourselves for a little while. Lets probe deep in our souls and see the sarcasm and the desillusioned view that we've come to take on this sad and hostile world, take this big shell of corrupted sentiments and place it next to the unprotected mind of a kid with Down syndrome. The question I ask you today is the following : is it really you that is normal? Or this lovely smiling ray of light, incapable of the least note of sarcasm and irony, this sincere jewel of the earth, sent to us like a heavenly angel here to remind us that yes, there is still hope, there is still place for honesty and love in this universe and... ... shit. The song just stopped. Now I have to face stupid reality again.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas eve

Dear Blog,

today is christmas eve day and I'm alone by myself.
I'm about to take my shitcar to drive to my shitjob and spend the whole night alone by myself without anyone deprived of company, in an oil refinery. I just had a phonefight with my mom over not spending xmas with her and my sisters, but rather with a 54 year old fuming metallic piece of environment destroying toxic oil producing end of the world pipe and tanks complex. Well, its still better then spending it with my dad.
I feel like the anti-hero of some too bad its good horror movie, except the only gremlin that will show up will be my supervisor, a very grumpy and very old grumpy old man who doesnt answer when I talk to him. Yes, this year's chrismas will be a good one for me. One to remember. Oh, I almost forgot, but, dear blog, guess where I'll be spending the new year's eve?

My resolution this year is more scatophilia.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Taking down hippies

This guy rocks. The government should fund a bitching center for hippies.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Taking down Bell

This guy rocks. The government should fund a bitching center for Bell.

plutôt celle-ci

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

BLIMEY!!! I've got the Homeworld source code!!! Awe inducing and sentimentally inspiring!!!


Boy, do I love laughing. What's funny about laughing is that sometimes something is absolutely hilarious, and yet you don't laugh out loud. You play around with it in with head, savouring the hilarity, but not laughing.

Here's an example.

I'm reading my beloved Onion, more specically, I'm in one of my favourite features, What Do You Think?. The question that day* was (will be?) : ''Germany’s interior minister called the Church of Scientology "an unconstitutional organization" and said the nation is seeking to ban the group. What do you think?''

Ted Berg, a systems analyst, answers :

"This is, without question, the worst instance of religious persecution Germany has ever authorized."

The Onion - Germany To Ban Scientology

*The odd thing was that it was dated December 19th! But we were only December 17th! Crazy I know. As I write this on December 18th, I am still unsure of the process. HOW DO THEY MANAGE TO ASK PEOPLE'S OPINIONS IN THE FUTURE?

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Friday, December 14, 2007

Chamonix 2008

Okayyyy.... the end of the year is coming and I'd really like to spend it with you guys but I'm not sure I've got a transport to get all the way to tremblant so if you could be so kind as to post exactly when you intend to leave for the chalet (date and time) so if your departure coincides with mine you can get a chance to cut with spazz, anne-marie and me in our renting of a car.
I cant leave before the 30th (that would be on monday).

Thursday, December 13, 2007

speaking of northface

I can't take it anymore. I thought these boots were a one-season fashion faux pas (no pun intended), but they're back???? can anyone explain this to me?

I heart India (# 39473 in a series)


I quote:

"A judge in India has summoned two Hindu gods, Ram and Hanuman, to help resolve a property dispute."

"The gods have been asked to appear before the court on Tuesday, after the judge said that letters addressed to them had gone unanswered."

BBC Article

Times of India Article

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

My Official Christmas Video

My original post was gonna involve "Santa The Rapist" here, but I decided to change my mind.

It's not fair that Santa steals the spotlight at this time of year, so I thought I'd put up something to remind everyone of the baby Jesus ... kinda.

Merry Christmas everyone!

i'm bringing the blog back to its roots.... die scatologica! die!

The Bringer Of The Apocalypse

It has always been suggested that the bringer of the Apocalypse would come from an unlikely place. I never thought it would be one of my close friends. I'd been thinking all night about what Napoleon Bonerpants said in his post when casting his vote of Nay. My conclusion was that he was right; that posting such a video was wrong. But then I wake up this morning to find that he has posted reactions to the very video I was going to post!!! YOU HAVE FORCED MY HAND, NAPOLEON BONERPANTS!! YOU are the bringer of the Apocalypse and the destroyer of all that is morally sacred! In response to your last post, you leave me no choice but to share this video, and before the polls close. You have not only thrown away morality, but democracy as well.

May your name and this day be remembered!!!

Oh yeah, and Merry Christmas. I posted the link because it doesn't always work.


Monday, December 10, 2007

The scatalocalypse has begun

The following video shows people willingly infecting themselves with the brown and nutty fever. This is no laughing matter, there is no stopping this outbreak now. I have feared this day for ten years. This dreaded affliction has become a common and therefore, acceptable form of entertainment. This is only the first phase. After exposure comes mimicry. And the end will come as our wired world slowly turns into the eighth circle of hell. Shipwreck, this is your self fulfilling prophecy. As your name so aptly suggests, you are the bringer of your own misfortune. You may very well be the last one to hold on to the sinking mast but mark my words, you too will drown in a sea of feces.

Coup d'État!

Hey Candyman! Democracy is for girls. Japanese girls. Japanese girls in a tub. And boy did they vote. Who knew that's how you voted in Japan.

- Watch More Videos

Its funny because all of this talk of shit eating reminded me of this nasty video from CEGEP days or was it early university days? Whatever.

That being said, I am left with the questions.

1. The video I posted was a bar. Will it be raised?
2. Candyman,does the video you are thinking about have anything to do with 1 cup?


Please vote on whether or not I should post the worst shit-eating video I've ever seen. The polls close on Wednesday at noon.


hey guys!!

try this for happy christmas times!!!
try it for real :

step 1 : scroll down to the bottom of this screen,

step 2 : click on "December 2006 (441)"

step 3 : scroll down till you get to the christmas greeting cards

step 4 : scroll down slowly through the christmas cards (till the end)

and voila!

Merry christmas!!!

The internet loves you.

PS: I somehow managed to stumble upon the worst shit-eating video in existence today. I don't know how, but the internet just led me there. Could this be the beginnings of a new standard of taboos. Should I try eating shit?

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Winter Clothes

Is it me, or does half the population of Montreal have a North Face jacket?

Enfin LA solution aux problèmes du multi-culturalisme : Le Communautarisme.

Kémi Séba prévient un groupe de SKINHEADS
Vidéo envoyée par freshizzle

* Kémi Séba dénonce le sionisme de Sarkozy :

- A l'école, on a appris que la haine attire la haine! LA HAINE ATTIRE LA HAINE!

- Ouais ben casse-toi ! Cassez-vous tous les deux ! J'ai pas besoin de vous moi toute manière hein ! Et moi j'sais encore qui j'suis et d'où j'viens!

- Ouais ben r'tournes-y connard et ferme ta gueule !

-Moi j'suis de la rue, moi... et tu sais ce qu'elle m'a appris la rue à moi ? Elle m'a appris que si tu tends la joue et ben tu t'fais niquer ta mère et puis c'est tout !

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Dear God...

Sometimes when procrastinating, one comes across something on the internet that snaps them out of zombie mode, sending them back out into the real world to accomplish rather than to squander. Today, for me, it was this:

New Year's eve....

So I thought i'd give everyone a head's up and an option for what to do on New Year's Eve... I know some of you opose the idea of going to bars for that occasion but korova is small and if all your friends are there, well, that's what counts, no?
anyway, so this is what we're doing at korova this year...

Weekends Never end & A Fly Is On The Wall Present



Half Baked (live from 11:30 til midnight)

Hovatron (Bassculture)
A fly is on the wall
We Are Ortiz (we are wolves)
Heidy & Trebek

champagne at midnight + super special on vodka/guru as long as supplies last
8$ in advance/10$ at the door
tickets will be on sale this weekend at korova and at caffè in gamba (mon-fri 11am-2pm)...

Geek Fodder

No one told me the future would be like this.

CAUTION: Must be 18 to watch this crap.

Click here and enjoy

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Response to Shipwreck

The answer is yes.

Shipwreck (comment section of "bike-tips-by-sycophantic-backstabber" post) : Can we replace the wheels with skis?

Sycophantic Backstabber : Yes. Well, if you change the question to "Can we replace the (front) wheel with a ski?

i say we get a 19 bernard BRIQUE

sycophant's site

please??? amy & I are in fo' sho

Don't cry Candyman and Woody Esplanade, look how November picked up!

Monday, December 3, 2007

Bike Tips by Sycophantic Backstabber Chapter 12 : How to Bike in Snow

Ok class, settle down. Today`s topic is weather appropriate. Essentially, I will teach you how to properly bike in the snow.

Through experience, trial and error, I have determined that the best way to peddle in the snow is to refer to Chapter 13 : How to Bike in Sand. Read that chapter and just imagine the sand as less gritty and whiter; unless its not virgin snow, then imagine the sand as less gritty, blacker, browner and nastier.

Any questions?

Thursday, November 29, 2007


Advantage : Shorties

I've come to the awful conclusion that I've got to add another item to the ADVANTAGE SHORTIES COLUMN : They get to hang their long sleeve shirts or jackets aloofly on a chair.

Whereas tall people such as myself are constantly having their long sleeves drag agaisnt the ground because chairs are not high enough.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Just stop it!

Stop picking on Napoleon for his taste in women. He's just attracted to power, that's all.

PS: I found this photo under his mattress.

Spring Is Not Here!

I repeat, Spring is NOT here!

Sorry guys, I was a bit premature in my spring time celebration. Oooops.

I hope this will make things better:

I stole this winter fantasy from Bonerpants' last dream last night. What a nerd.

Nerd or not, you have to admit the man has good taste in women.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Spring Is Here!

Hey guys,

Have you noticed how its been getting warmer these days? Did you notice how today we got rain and not snow? WINTER IS OVER! SPRING HAS SPRUNG! Ahhhhhhh...

That was, like, the shortest winter ever! Sweet!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Speaking of records...

WHEN THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA GET FLYING CARS!?!?!?!?! I remember when I was a kid, the visions people had of the future. We were supposed to have colonized the moon by now. AND BE DRIVING FLYING CARS!! And be eating pills instead of having to cook these ridiculously lavish meals we keep preparing. Why is there still war, and why isn't it interstellar? No, that's too far. Why isn't it interplanetary? Why am I not part robot!?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

here is choice sample from this website that collects funny album covers. (i have felt the robotic pull just like candyman) my personal favorite is the Brailettes! fantastic.

A name for my pain.

I love computers but this is ridiculous. I just wanted to express my hatred for the temptress known as procrastination. It's almost like the Devil decided "Hey! People don't procrastinate nearly enough! I should put a shiny procrastination machine in every home! And then, I'll connect everyone so that they can procrastinate together and teach each other to do it better!" Bastard Devil!!!

Every time I walk by my computer, I feel like I'm being attacked by robotic temptation. Fantasies of free music, TV shows, Information!!!! INFORMATION!!!!!! I can't escape.

Anyways, I just wanted to apologize for not having any of you guys over lately. My inability to leave my computer screen has left my apartment looking like this:

At least I still have my pride. No... wait... no... I got nothin'

NEWS FLASH! Canada Under the Gun

"Depuis quelques mois, les médias algériens s'acharnent sur la pomme de terre canadienne."


Depuis quelques mois, les médias algériens s'acharnent sur la pomme de terre canadienne. Aux prises avec une pénurie, l'Algérie a reçu du Canada près de 100 000 tonnes de pommes de terre depuis l'été dernier. Des dizaines de milliers de tonnes ne répondaient pas aux normes de qualité du pays.

RadCan Story

the front fell off

Monday, November 19, 2007


Sometimes six just isn't enough.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Spider becomes Napoleon Bonerpants

That was my nickname this summer when I was working in the woods. I might as well honor it on this blog. I hesitated for a while because I wanted to make an illustration of Napoleon with, well, boner pants. I never took the time so I ended up googling "Napoleon Bonerpants" and found out that there is a band with that name. It seems like the kind of band that would make T-shirts before making any music (like Flesh) or who come out with a Best of right after releasing their demo. Ironically enough, I gave up and got Napoleon's picture off Wikipedia only to realize that he really had boner pants! Problem solved!

Friday, November 16, 2007

5 minutes break

Now now children, settle down.
We've learned in our last session a little more about not so young socially misadapted men with anger issues, now lets take a 5 minute break and enjoy the music of Mr. Wesley Willis, who will interpret for us one of his finer success : Suck a donkey's smelley ass, accompanied by the garbage pail kids. Enjoy, and remember, keep that saliva inside your mouth.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Metal 101 Session 2

For the first part of this class, we will go to Finland. No, not Children of Bodom. I love this band but I've kind of given up on sharing my interest. I last went to see them alone at Metropolis and I'm sure I was one of the only guys over twenty. It made for good moshpit supremacy, though. This time, I will present a band that just might be a good gateway into metal or perhaps even a gateway out of metal for those who discriminate too much. They're labeled "progressive folk/electronic melodeth" or something like that but I call it radio friendly kick ass music. Its got a positive vibe to it too, especially since their last deadbeat alternacrap singer left. I'm talking about Amorphis. I just can't stop listening to this shit.

Here, now, is a different kind of band that is more on the down side. They’re some sort of atmospheric doomish, blackish (read dark) metal band. I thought they were from some nordland but it turns out they’re from Portland, Oregon. I really don’t get what is up with that place. Anyways, though its better than many other videos out there, this video doesn’t do them justice (as no video has ever done any metal band justice except for “One”) simply because it shows a snipet from an opus that only makes sense if you listen to it from end to end. I would like to mention the emphasis on nature, a theme which many other bands (that have no videos whatsoever) base their entire careers on. Here’s Agalloch.

And now, back to Finland. I know this isn’t helping my cause but…what the hey, its for a good laugh. Here’s some Finntroll.

I always wondered what a video from these guys would be like. I’m not disappointed… though not impressed.


Amazing Facts

Did you know that this:

The Internet

AND this:

Gore-Tex fabric

Were both invented by the same man ? :

Al Gore.

Did you? Well he did. Yes, not only did he invent this thing that we are sharing this post on, but he also invented the waterproof-breathable material known as Gore-Tex. Amazing! You know, I've long been someone who says that waterproof-breathable fabric is neither waterproof nor breathable. That is only because Gore-Tex is priced beyond my means. Way beyond. Just go to an Arc'Teryx store and you'll see what I mean. That being said, Gore-Tex is the gold standard of waterproof-breathability. One day I will get the chance to test it out.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

My name is Bruce

Did any of you know that its now been a whole month, a WHOLE month people!!!
Its now been a whole month that My name is Bruce, the movie that is closest to be the next evil dead sequel, its been a whole month that the movie directed by Bruce Campbell, starring Bruce Campbell in the role of Bruce Campbell, this movie has been showing in theater across America, for a WHOLE MONTH??!?!!!?

Why have we not heard about this?
What is wrong with our country?
Are we even considered as a country?
What is this? why is this happening? How could it be? I dont understand? I donT Oh OH oh.. WOOOOOHHH... pffff.. pffff... pffff....

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Notre ami Normand

I used to think he was black. I`m still not sure.

And now, for more eroticism

Brought to you by Série Rose.

...and racist.

This is what happens when you grow up listening to CKOI

This guy is not funny

DIEUDONNE - Petit Poney (Clip)

DIEUDONNE - Petit Poney (Clip)
Vidéo envoyée par PAULOM

Monday, November 12, 2007


Le divorce de patrick - partie1: hommes et femmes
Vidéo envoyée par b_careful

Sunday, November 11, 2007


My girlfriend was never Christian after all!

Say hello to my new gods!

Saturday, November 10, 2007

My last Risk post. (or not)

Its 7:30 and I just got home from spending the whole night playing risk 2210.
Ok. Just to give you a timeframe of the event :

10:30p.m - game one starts.

24:00 a.m - end of the first round of game one

24:35 a.m - Spazz arrival. Game one aborted during round two.

24:45 a.m - start of game two.

04:30 a.m - Neighbour(s?) go psycho, starts hitting walls with such viguor risk players cant even tell where the pummeling is coming from.

05:00 a.m - Silent but deadly war goes on.

06:15 a.m. - end of game two.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Metal 101 Session 1

This is why I didn't have an "absolute fucking blast" at The Police concert:

And if that wasn't cheery enough, check out this little anthem (very cool solo at 4:30):

Corny as hell, I know. But that's power metal for ya. Its a bit more accessible to the casual ear but can still tear your face off.

That's right, like it or not, I am here to share my love for metal, the music that turns full grown men into prepubescent beatlemaniacs. If you watched these two videos in their entirety, you're well on your way to giving a shit.

By the way, the guys in the latter video are pretty much Sting's age.

rocky in 5 seconds...

for some reason, youtube doesn't allow direct post anymore so just copy the link...

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Spider seeking black widow

So yeah. I've been working pretty hard lately. Its hard enough to eat and exercise properly. But to waste time properly? I haven't done that in ages. So I surfed the tube and found this little gem. Its about copulation, another activity that I'm starting to miss. But just as my sentence in corporate hell comes to an end, the cold will have arrived. And when winter comes, spiders stop mating. Sniff


look at that mail i got! that's it, so long fuckers!!!!

"From:Mr. Patrick K W. Chan.

Good Day ,

I am Mr. Patrick K. W. Chan. Executive Director and Chief Financial
Officer of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd.

Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client Col. Hosam Hassan who was with the
Iraqi forces and also business man made a numbered fixed deposit
for 18 calendar months, with a value of Thirty Million United State
Dollars($30,000,000.00) only in my branch.Upon maturity several notices
was sent to him, even during the war which began in 2003. Again after the
war another notification was sent and still no response came from him.We
later find out that Col. Hosam Hassan along with his wife and only
daughter had been killed during the war in a bomb blast that hit their home.

After further investigation it was also discovered that our client
Col.Hosam Hassan did not declare any next of kin in his officialpapers
including the paper work of his bank deposit.

And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one
except me knew of his deposit in my bank. So, Thirty Million United State
Dollars($30,000,000.00)is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come
forward to claim it.What bothers me most is that according to the laws of
my country at the expiration 5 years the funds will revert to the
ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the
funds. Against this backdrop,my suggestion to you is that I will like you
as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Col.Hosam Hassan so that
you will be able to receive his funds.

I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we shall
come out successful. I have an attorney that will prepare the necessary
document that will back you up as the next of kin to Col. Hosam Hassan,all
that is required from you at this stage is for you to provide me with your
Full Names and Address so that the attorney can commence his job.After you
have been made the next of kin, the attorney will also fill in for claims
on your behalf and secure the necessary approval and of probate in your
favour for the move of the funds to an account that will be provided by

There is no risk involved at all in this matter, as we are going to adopt
a legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary
documents. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters
concerning this issue.Once the funds have been transferred to your
nominated bank account we shall then share in the ratio of 60% for me, 40%
you.Should you be interested please send me your,

1,Full names,
2,Private phone number,
3,Current residential address.

And I will prefer you reach me on my private email address below;


and finally after that I shall provide you with more details of this
operation.Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,

Mr. Patrick K. W. Chan."


the 1000th post is mine!!! all mine!!!

cheer and sploodge for me!









This is someone some of us know.

The good thing about winter is that shit like that doesn't happen.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

resurrecting RAM PUNYANI


Betcha didn't know there were city bike movies around...

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Take this.

This is for all the coconut crab skeptics out there.

Rubber special effects, my ass.