Saturday, April 30, 2011

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance.

I'v been enjoying a little bit of post University R&R and I've decided to start clearing titles from my backlog of games but that's a little hard to do when really good games keep coming out on the same week so I got a little side tracked. I found myself replaying Portal in anticipation of its sequel which I then proceeded to devour in less than a day.
I was immediately floored by it not because the graphics were amazing - although the art design is impeccable the graphics themselves are nothing to write home about - and not because the puzzles were especially clever, though they most certainly are, but because the writing is some of the sharpest, most well delivered dialog in a game I've ever seen and the whole thing literally had me laughing out loud which is a rare thing indeed. Just as important the dialog is actually funny: this isn't goofy, childish or hokey the way some other adventure games are. The humor was dark as hell without ever taking itself seriously and it greatly benefits from Stephen Merchant's sensibilities, not to mention his voice, and it also includes snippets from one JK Simmons whose delivery is so spot on that he manages to deliver some seriously callous lines in a way that's both believable and completely ridiculous.



Anyways rather than write a full review of it I'm just going to suggest that everyone with a functional PC get this. The requirements are pretty modest and it runs on both Mac and PC. There's of course PS3 and 360 versions and the PS3 version actually works with the PC/Mac versions meaning if you fuckers get it I'll actually be able to play Co-op with you (there's an included co-op campaign). So really there's no reason not to get it. Well unless you don't like fun I guess and if so well then carry on. Though I should point out that someone who was notoriously against having fun was Hitler. Yeah, I put that out there. Something to think about, hmmmmmm?

It'll be raining this week. A lot.





Saturday, April 23, 2011

Friday, April 22, 2011

Trolls

But the internet told me trolls look like this:

This looks awesome!!

I used to go to this little arcade...

It was actually more of a video store, it only had 2 games which were the hacked version of Street Fighter II with shit flying (so called rainbow edition in the video below) and a Mortal Kombat II machine that was right next to the porn section. It was the first place I had seen some poor underpaid woman take more penis in all her holes than most women will probably take in a lifetime and the entire experience was combined with balls to the wall violence and gore.



I loved fighting games back in the day and I still do. Of all the things I use my Xbox for about 90% of them involve fighting games. I also tend to play them obsessively to the point where I get better than most people at it and that gets myself into trouble. Like the one time some really big dude kept on losing to me because he didn't quite understand that if he jumped at me out of the blue I could just uppercut him for most of his life on reaction. It got to the point that when we left the "arcade" he was there waiting for me and tried to shove me in front of a moving bus but missed and smacked me on the side of it instead.

Fast forward about 20 years and I'm on my 360, enjoying a "I have just had the last exams of my Bachelors degree" beer (a fine Samson dark ale) mashing on those buttons and hearing the dude on the other end, via Xbox Live, yell into my ear a great many epithets questioning my sexual orientation and what he may or may not have done to my poor mother last night, and all of a sudden I'm taken right back to that shitty video store with the poorly guarded porn section, the murderous dudes and the constant cigarette smoke coming from the other patrons.
Of course I realize by now that I'm an old man, I haven't had a cigarette in like 2 years, I'm not with some dude from Brebeuf who swears he can help me rig the coin slot so you only need to use one coin and there's a passed out naked woman in the bed not a meter away from me so things are a bit different but still, shit brings me back.

So yeah, I got Mortal Kombat 9. People get eviscerated and heads come off. It's a guilty pleasure and probably lost on anyone who didn't hang out in arcades in the 90's but it's still a fun time.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The problem with Tesla Coils...

...is that you can't mass produce them and sell them to arcades for stoners to play with.

Alternatively, though, you have this: the Adam's Family Generator.


Now I would call it the next best thing to a cow fence...which comes in at a close third from a Tesla Coil, right after the coat-hanger in the socket trick. I'm no bullshitter, mind you. The machine doesn't actually use electricity to shock you, it merely uses vibration to simulate shock. Of course, you could also say that Tesla merely used vibration to generate man-made earthquakes so yeah...vibration works.

The goal is to hold on to two handles for the whole ride without letting go. And what a ride! As the "game" progresses, the intensity increases and you feel your muscles tightening until you think your arms might explode. The trick is to focus on keeping your hands loose while maintaining your grip. You get the hang of it after a couple of tries. At that point, you would figure it safe to stop playing the game as it should become pretty tame by then.

How wrong you would be.

You see, in the glory days that were my wasted years, I would go to this wholesome place in the burbs,

load up on common psychotropics and play this hellish masterpiece over, and over and over again.

Why, you ask? Because it was like a voyage into the heart of darkness at every turn.

To give you an idea, here's a video that shows the machine in all it's glory. Make sure to crank the sound for this one.



It doesn't do the experience justice, though. The guy's in a neon lit warehouse and he's 80% sober. You have to imagine being immersed in darkness, noise and flashing lights. That part's in your head though, but the arcade joint you're in is almost just as crazy. You're also in the company of aspiring drunk drivers and their women but all you care about is your next fix of Uncle Fester's special brand of electric moonshine. Your small marsupial brain quickly locates that big white face staring down at you from his throne at the end of the hall like the spiteful tyrant of arcade-land that he is. At this point you're obliged to stop resisting and accept his challenge.


As soon as your hands connect to the jumpers, Lord Fester has you. After a brief alarm, his mechanical abomination jumps to life and sends you it's first jolts while the pipe organ begins its crescendo of demonic dissonance. The gratifying abuse comes in waves of ever increasing intensity and the voltmeter makes you well aware of it. Your arms become soldered to his creation and your eyes are perpetually transfixed by that cold and empty stare; that face that begins to cackle in abhorrence, hiding it's own pain. It's now too late. You've both embarked on a carnival of mutual destruction. You realize that your immediate universe has become malevolent and excessive in all of its dimensions as your veins begin to pop in your neck and forehead. Meanwhile, your tormentor falls victim to his own cruel devices as his nonexistent eyes begin roiling as wildly as his piercing screams.

Finally, smoke blows out of his fiery ears and that's when you know that his brain burned out before yours did. You have defeated him...until you spot those other tokens in your pocket.

Excellent! J'aimerais tellement pouvoir voter pour lui.

Crazy

All I could think of when I saw this photo (and the accompanying website) was how much this guy's neighbors must hate him. He's a veritable Uncle Fester.



Check out the website:

http://members.iinet.net.au/~pterren/index.html



This page in particular:

http://tesladownunder.com/tesla_coil_sparks.htm

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Friday, April 15, 2011

Funny shit

As some of you may or may not remember, yours truly used to play in a "Power Ska" band in the late 90's.

The band started in 95 and ended in 2000.

Well, much to my very surprise, some kids gave us an homage as I discovered lately on the cybernets.

Thats very strange, especially given the very obscure nature of said band.



They're pretty good, the song sounds exactly like we played it.

Anyhow, if you'd like to see the real thing, we're regrouping and playing a gig on may 22nd at Fouf.

13 bands, 20$.

I'll pay half of your ticket price + 1 beer (up to a maximum of 3 attendees)

Gonna be Spunky night

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

woooow.... Politicians could talk back then!?!?! Thats almost unbelievable. Can you imagine how fast Harper would have dismissed this poor dude?



He woudnt even have looked at him.

Say what you will about Trudeau, but at least he had the courage to defend and discuss his decisions.

Compared to him, Harper is a big fucking faggot.

YOU HEAR ME HARPER??? YOU'RE A BIG FAG! YOU'VE GOT NO BALLS!!!

NO BALLS!!!

ARRRRRRRRGGGG!!!!

Hey Bonerpants, its your friend! I bet he's getting elected.

Secrets!

So I was at a Chinese restaurant the other day when I came across a little menu off to the side with traditional dishes including jellyfish, stomach, tongue, and...




Fuckers! They're taking this consumer mentality way too far!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

On a Roll...



As some of you are Bruce Campbell fans, I thought you'd like to know he did an AMA on Reddit.

The Problem with IMGUR

is that you never which one to share. This one, however, was too difficult to pass up!

Monday, April 11, 2011

No Time

Ok, so I'm really stressed out because I have a big presentation tomorrow and I'm not ready. Which explains my presence here.

Anyways, I thought you'd like this. It's by our very own Alex Trebek, but he obviously cares about us less than Woody does.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Space : a discussion.



Science is always reassuring.
You know, scientists give you answers for this and that, answers that you can trust, because of the scientific method and such. Its very reassuring. As long as you keep in the realms of the mid scale, not too far from or too close to the edges of infinity, stuff seems to be well understood and its a general confident feeling of knowing what to expect. Yeah, the earth is melting, but at least we know its happening. We know what to expect. In a way, its kind of soothing.



But when it comes to space, then the anguished and the scared have every reasons to shit slime. When the science guys tell you that 20% of the universe is made up of "ordinary matter" and the rest is filled up with "dark matter", it gives you an idea of how much of a clue we dont have about all of this. Dark matter : stuff of a nature that is not understood, stuff they're not even sure it even exists. 80%!!!




And then there's the big bang.
I hate this notion. I've always hated it.
13 750 000 000 years ago, this little ball of energy got tired of whizzing around in a great void and decided all of a sudden to go psssshhhBANG! and then a few micro seconds later the universe was born.
When you look at this explanation, you cant really hold it against the creationists, I mean, at least their ideas show a minimum of imagination.

One of the reasons they say the universe is that old is that when they point their ultra-hyper-telescopes in any direction in space, the further they can observe, the edge of the observable universe, is always 13.7 billion light years away.
Now to me, this doesnt support the Big Bang notion.

Let me try to explain why, and I wish one of you geeks could tell me what I'm missing.

When you look at something that's close to 13.7 billion light years away, you're basically looking at the big bang, or at the moments right after it. Now how can you look in any direction, and see young galaxies all over the fucking place, when the big bang is supposed to be a single point event!!!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

apologies

oh hello dear friends,

yesterday i received a message from a dear old friend who scolded me for having been absent from the blog for too long. i have been peeping in here and there but have failed to engage in the witty reparté for a while. well, i've been busy.



so i'm announcing my timely return. i share with you some relics from my travels. i've spent quite a bit of time on regretsy:





learned about vagina dentata



but mostly spent a lot of time missing the good ol' days...



hopefully you'll welcome me back in the fold. snif

I looked into the crapper, and I read the future.




Wesley Willis - Alanis Morisette par fodera6

Fuck Me.



I'm always amazed at how I somehow manage to be the author of my own personal hell. Some days I hate my brain.

That is all.

Essential Reading + Pro Tips!

What Sociology is For? Reminding Everyone That Class Warfare is Real


+

Pro Tip of the week: CTRL+L highlights your current URL, making it easy to type a new one in without taking your hands of the keyboard.

Monday, April 4, 2011

O.K.... Who the fuck is messing with the blog!?!



Why is it that there's a video of a beluga-shaped plane taking off where a survey on who eats pieces of shit for breakfast should be?

Well?

BEST SUPER VILLAINS IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE



... part of it is because of the car. But what is this superb vehicle, one might ask.

At first I thought it was a modified DMC, but after regaining my soberness two days later, I could clearly see that it wasnt. (every car is a DMC when I'm drunk)

Then, after googling for Blondie Playmate (safesearch ON) because just before the movie the Spazzer had told me how Blondie had been a playmate in her time, I found this picture, and I thought: Why hell, everything is related. The cosmos answered my question...



The car featured up there is a Pantera. Hell of a nice car (fuckin cool name too), and I was pretty sure I'd nail it then. I mean it does look like Slick's car...




...then Grands Mains analyzed the Pantera and slick's car and decided that too many details were different and it didnt add up.

I've no idea how he found out, but now we know that this car is a New Brunswick beaut assembled in the very deadbeat province, and it goes by the name of its designer and builder, BRICKLIN. Its a Bricklin SV-1.



A hell of a nice car. There were about 2800 built in total in the 70s.



Can anyone lend me 12995$?

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Disturbing

This is one of the most disturbing things I've ever watched.

Friday, April 1, 2011

What the fuck?

I don't know where they got the guy who does the motions, but I can tell you that it's probably the most exercise he had in years. Maybe one day Google will let him be exposed to sunshine... nah..

Moneeeeeyyyyyy

I'm really happy. I've been needing to find some extra revenue these days, to loosen my tight finances. Luckily, Google is hiring! Sweet. I hear you can choose your own hours too.