Sunday, August 31, 2008

Fun for the whole family!

I know it was Tiberium sun that we used to play but behold!

We can now legally download and play red alert together. It'll be like it was 1993 all over again.

Dear Matthew Broderick

Remember that time Dildo thought Matt LeBlanc was you in Godzilla? Hehehe, he wasn't too pleased when he lost that 10 handjobs + a salad-toss bet.

You'll have guessed that I'm writing you to let you know that he's up to his old tricks again. Why, the other day he did not believe that calcio was what the Italians called football and what we in North of Mexico North America call soccer.

I need your advice. Do you think posting a PrintScreen of the A.C. Milan website, with its full name of Associazione Calcio Milan s.p.a circled and the Calcio underlined, will be enough? He can even click on the pic if he wants a closer view.

Attached, you'll find the file I'm speaking off.

Kindest and warmest regards old chap.

Sycophantic Backstabber

P.S. See you at the next San Marino regatta! ; )

the best of DJ Spirograph

Friday, August 29, 2008


Last night I believe I achieved my greatest quote yet and perhaps even ever.

«L'être humain souffre d'une nombrilite aiguë; dieu n'en est qu'un symptôme»

*Pause for applause*

The ironic thing is that it seemed to have appeared in my mind as if God itself had planted it there.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Word Love

This week's word of the week is French: Braguette.

Monday, August 25, 2008

The Gym

All right let me set something straight here. I was reading Bikesnob and laughing at the irony and shit when suddenly I fell upon a post where Bikesnob is laughing at a fixed gear jock (which is what I'm trying to be, because of the hype and all, dont try to understand, its ironic) who was posing in a gym with his bike and showing off shirtless and looking like a total fucking shiteater. Anyways, Bikesnob said people who patronize the gym are not intellectually endowed enough to understand and use irony. Now thats not fair. I know perfectly well what irony is, I've heard that song about 23 458 times on the radio, and I know how different it is from sarcasm. Yes, I've been known to visit the Gym from now and then. And the reason why I've continuously subjected myself to this very dubious habit is quite simple. I was born in 1979.
I was raised during the macho years. The Testo decade. The Mucho Macho times.
And my best friends were these guys.

Figure it out for yerself.

Risk 2210 Debriefing

What a spectacular risk night we had. 5 players around the board, a most exciting game indeed. The highlights of the night: the aussie front led by Ignastro winning the war by conquering space and beating the Afro-latino might of the Emir by one point, said Emir who didnt hesitate to litteraly nuke Baron Tellier's ass out of Europe and back to the moon, leaving him stranded and panicked in the Sea of Serenity, anxiously awaiting total devastation by the Ignastro-man. Paré abusing psychological warfare and trying to intimidate the Emir by calling him a "cégépien enragé"(?) and then thinking up nothing better then the "look out! behind you!" tactic to confuse Tellier, which predictably failed to stop him from drowning Paré's entire atlantic fleet. And then finally, J-mo's tragic attempt at 23rd century warfare, ending the battle with his naval commander roaming the Sahara and his last battalion lost in the middle of the Atlantic.

Good News!

More bike paths!

I read this on the Radcan website

"Le maire Gérald Tremblay a indiqué dimanche que 100 kilomètres s'ajouteront dès cette année."

"une piste cyclable serait aménagée le long du chemin de la Côte-Sainte-Catherine. Cette voie reliera entre eux les arrondissements de Côte-des-Neiges, Outremont et Plateau-Mont-Royal."

"La piste de la rue Rachel, interrompue au niveau de l'avenue Papineau, sera complétée. À terme, le réseau cyclable sera prolongé à l'est jusqu'à Anjou et à l'ouest jusqu'à Lachine."

Sunday, August 24, 2008

New hockey night in canada theme song!!!

hours of fun on the CBC's website!!!

another one...

and another one!!!

(why the fuck doesn't the little button thingy work properly????)

oh, and totally unrelated, this is the caricature i was talking about last night...

Friday, August 22, 2008

A Nerdy Cool Fusion

You know how black people are cooler than white people? It's a fact of life actually. If everything Midas touched turned to gold and everything Hitler touched turned to shit, everything black people touch turns to cool. I mean, they even made the ghetto cool!

Now think of a nerdy cyclist wearing an ill-fitting helmet with a reflective vest and safety flags.

Can you fathom the fusion of the two?

I believe it would be a little something like this:

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Try to use this as a guide for my own funerals please.

01010100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01001101 01100001 01111001 00100000 01010110 01100101 01110010 01111001 00100000 01010111 01100101 011011

01010100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 00110001 00100000 00110000 00100000 01110000 01100101 01101111 01110000 01101100 01100101 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110111 01101111 01110010 01101100 01100100 00101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101111 01110011 01100101 00100000 01110111 01101000 01101111 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101110 00100111 01110100 00101110


We should start buying guns.

Doing fuck all on the job again. Dont pity me, I'm doing pretty good. No one seems to be working around me anyways. Its your typical all womens club talking abourt their boring existence, complaining about everything. I take comfort in knowing they'll be the first to disappear when the shit hits the fan. You know what I'm talking about. It's all gonna collapse sooner or later, and then it'll be survival of the mental and crazy dephased psychos like me will finally enter their natural environment: A burning world of chaos, with pregnant women for main dish. Anyways, I was thinking about our little randonnee this weekend to come. I think we should bring our maillot de bain and go swim in the river. Pif and Iggy confirmed for the Risk game, J-mo and Iggy confirmed for the ride, so I guess my day is fixed. Dear blog, I relly hope my friends will stay the same as time passes by. I mean, if we can be retarded teenager at 30, why not at 40 or 50. It would be so nice. Yes, very nice it would be. Also, why havent you been flagged yet, dear blog? And if you were, would we know?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The funniest joke in the world

Apparently, what follows is the funniest joke in the world (after, of course, the one the allies used in their Joke Warfare to kill off all the germans, but no one has ever hear it and live)

"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"


And apparently, this is the second (or third) funniest joke in the world:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

Apparently, eating fibre is good for you.

Public Service Announcement!

PSA by Erik K

Text by Bike Snob NYC : "If you are the proprietor of a blog or website, I implore you to join the fight against driving while distracted by posting this image. Sure, I've taken on causes, promoted them, and then abandoned them before, but this one's different. This campaign will save lives and not just lifestyles, and by ungluing cellphones from the sides of drivers' heads we can benefit all cyclists, not just messengers. Because when you're driving, the only thing that should be stuck to your head is your gooey, gelled-up hair. (And I shouldn't even have to mention driving drunk. When you're driving, the only thing that should be plastered is your hair to your scalp.) So help spread the word!"

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

All Aboard!

I'm in Nerdlord!

Tugg Speedman is a failing action star who badly needs a hit after the humiliating failure of his previous attempt to reignite his career, a film called ''Simple Jack'' about a mentally impaired farmhand who talks to animals.

Monday, August 18, 2008

If my childhood were a person it would be walking funny.

And I would still be laughing:

60th Anniversary

This may or may not be the Diamond anniversary. Regardless, my grand-parents celebrated it this weekend.

I did the math, and even if I got married tomorrow (say in Las Vegas) it is almost mathematically impossible for me to achieve such a feat:

my age: 29
29 + 60 = 89
Life expectancy for a Canadian male (2002 stats): 77.2 years
Add in my diet and various other habits and I start to get the point.

I won't be celebrating a diamond anniversary.

And as I like to say: ''If you can't celebrate a diamond anniversary once in your life, don't get out of bed.''

Saturday, August 16, 2008

From Russia With Love

Remind me to have my wedding in Russia.

Russian Wedding Fight

Oh, and could someone tell Georgia that messing with Russians might not be the most reasonnable thing.

Friday, August 15, 2008


I Wanna Be Like Mike!

Not for the medals and fame. For the eating!

Here is Micheal Phelps' training diet:

For breakfast: three fried egg sandwiches, with cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, fried onions and mayonnaise, followed by three chocolate-chip pancakes; a five-egg omelette; three sugar-coated slices of French toast and a bowl of grits (a maize-based porridge), washed down with two cups of coffee.

For lunch: half a kilogramme (one pound) of enriched pasta; two large ham and cheese sandwiches on white bread smothered with mayonnaise, washed down by energy drinks.

For dinner: Another half-kilogramme of pasta, perhaps with a carbonara sauce, followed by a large pizza and more energy drinks.

Yeah, you counted that right, 10 013 calories.

On his way to La Belle Province

Thursday, August 14, 2008

A Road to Hell

''The road to hell is paved with good intentions.''

Does that mean that good intentions aren't enough? As in, if you have good intentions to do something, but end up not doing it?

Ex: Your friend calls and you go ''I've been meaning to call you for the past few weeks!'' (And you didn't, asshole)

Or does it refer to people that disguise bad deeds with noble intentions?

Ex: To paraphrase George W. Bush : ''We need to invade Iraq in order to free the Iraqi people and give them the gift of Democracy.''

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Totally Getting This Album on Wednesday

Tormentor Allegoria - BlackWine Trailer

Yes, people from Quebec City are cute when they try to write in English.

Tormentor Allegoria - Burn The Heretics

Yes, the ''video'' was awkward; me cares not.

I'll be going to Profusion on Wednesday with whomever wants to join. Not sure what time I'll go, but they're open 'till 21h, so I would probably head over between 18 and 21h.

Gives meez a callz.

Monday, August 11, 2008


Album Cover Least Likely to Be Approved by my Girlfriend

Although I'm sure she would say she threw it out, only to have added it to her stash of masturbatory material.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

How do you market Dark Knight action figures?

Realpolitik and Mass Media

Sorry, I could not find (did not try very hard to find) embeded stuff:

Official American view

Semi-official British view

Russian view

Bless dat internet! Propaganda from everywhere!

Haters Can @#$% Themselves

Look, I'm obviously biased, but nonetheless, I made an effort towards impartiality.

In the previous post's comments, Napoleon asked whether I prefered having the Pontiac Silverdome or the Montreal Olympic Stadium destroyed by a wayward tornado. I wikipedia'd both, and well the Big O had a nice pick; unfortunetaly, the Silverdome had a shitty pic. So, in the effort of fairness, I googleimaged ''Pontiac Silverdome''. This was the best pic I could find:

WIthout bothering to google it, I simply took a nice pic off the Wikipedia article on the Montreal Olympic Stadium:

Now, we could call it case closed, but we won't. This is the royal we.

There is no doubt that the Big Owe picture, through its poetry of colours and composition, is much richer. However its very architecture is by far more inspiring. It's a masterpiece, to put it simply.

In fact, going on a limb, I would say that the very fact that there are much better pictures of the Montreal Olympic Stadium than of the Pontiac Silverdome showcases the fact that it is a better looking building by several orders of magnitude. It's actually like comparing Harvey's to L'Eau à la bouche.

Or like a McMansion:

To Neuschwanstein:

I am open to arguments discussing the size of the hugeness between the Silverdome the Olympic Stadium. As to those who wish to argue that they are the same, I believe the Russians say it best:

''Give me break pliss.''

Friday, August 8, 2008

3...2...1...Banned from the Chinese Internet!

From the Onion

BEIJING—In an 11th-hour move that shocked the international athletic and political communities alike, the Chinese Olympic Team announced Wednesday that it will not be attending the XXIX Olympiad in Beijing due to "shocking, shameful, and ultimately dangerous environmental conditions" in the host city.

"Given the unconscionably bad environmental state of the area in and around the site of the 2008 Summer Games, we cannot in good conscience allow Chinese athletes to compete in China," said Olympic committee spokesman Sun Weide. "We deeply apologize to China for the bitter disappointment they will feel at not being represented in these Games. However, we place the blame squarely on China for their failure to prepare a suitable venue for international competition."

"Frankly, it seems to me that in terms of air quality, water purity, and general contamination, Beijing is barely even capable of supporting human life, let alone strenuous activities such as team sports, swimming, and long-distance running," added Weide, who has lived in Beijing all his life. "We can only hope our refusal to compete in this city will result in real change for its long-suffering residents."

Weide's sentiments were echoed by other high-ranking members of China's Olympic athletic community.

"China's Olympic athletic community should be deeply ashamed of itself," said Zhang Tianbai, deputy director of the PRC's Athletic Sciences and Education Department and director of China's Olympic Committee. "When factories have to be shut down for a month beforehand just to clear the air, when automobile traffic is artificially thinned to reduce smog, when thousands of uniformed men have to dredge the river mere days before the regatta, in a city that is supposed to be the pride of a nation and the athletic center of the world for two weeks—disgusting is not too strong a word."

Director Tianbai joined Li Furong, vice president of the Chinese Olympic Committee, in calling for the immediate resignation and possible indictment of the entire Chinese Olympic Committee.

The 639 athletes chosen to represent China were informed Wednesday night that they would not in fact be competing in Beijing. Although all were shocked at the suddenness of the decision, most took the news stoically.

"I was very much looking forward to making China proud," said 100-meter hurdling champion Liu Zhang, who had expected to defend his gold medal in Beijing. "But, if I am honest, China should be ashamed of itself."

"I shall regret this for the rest of my life, but I think the current conditions Beijing are currently worse than the ones I encounter in my polluted, petroleum-fume-choked home town," said Rockets center Yao Ming, easily the team's most prominent athlete. "Which is Beijing. Things have gotten even worse since I moved."

"It brings me great sorrow to say this, as I had hoped that Chinese athletes would return from Beijing triumphant, having demonstrated our nation's greatness on a global stage," Hu Jintao, president and paramount leader of the People's Republic of China. "However, China's blatant disregard for its responsibility to the basic health, welfare, and safety of its Olympic participants has forced us to withdraw China's athletes for their own protection, and I urge the Olympic teams of all other nations to do the same."


Nerdlord of the NES is off to the cottage this weekend. Please make sure he avoids these rather dangerous situations:

On the way to the cottage:

Once at the cottage:

And here's a good reason to be glad to live where we live:

That's from South Ossetia, Georgia. You'll have guessed that I'm not talking about the American state that has a peach as state fruit.

Since my world revolves around me, my only thoughts are that I hope this doesn't last and the repercussions aren't too bad; after all, I've been meaning to travel there.

Best news I've heard all year

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


If any Seattlebodian asks about fixie fever in Montreal, tell them that fixed gears are so two centuries ago. This is how we roll now!

Photograph | Mr. McLeod, Bicycle Club, Montreal, QC, 1885 | II-78698

Mr. McLeod, Bicycle Club, Montreal, QC, 1885

Monday, August 4, 2008


There is an article on the BBC about flat-earthers. Now, I don't believe the earth is flat, but at least I can admit that I'm only really basing that belief on what others tell me.

Anyways, the best part of the article is the comment section where people use really lame 'proofs' that the earth is round.

NO PICS FOR YOU! I wasn't able to get it up(load).

Friday, August 1, 2008

Holy Sweet September!


Metropolis: September 6th. Woop! Woop!

Fuck. My wallet's gonna hurt.

Also, yes, I know the sounds sucks on my youtube embed, wadayawant? It's from 1996. Ok, ok, ok. Here's a real video:

Heartbreaking Music off of their last album Resolve.

Also for all of you Lagwagon fans, they have a new EP coming out in August: I Think My Older Brother Used to Listen to Lagwagon

Something Smells Fishy

As I was googlemapping Friday's randonnée to Lac-St-Louis, I happenned upon this little known part of Montreal.

This can only mean one thing. Hitler's back. He's been living in the Monty since you-know-when. I mean, who else would make an Island for Jews? Disturbing. Perhaps the sequel to the Thousand-Year Reich will be The Final Solution II: This time it's personal!

Also, if you look at the bottom right of the pic, you'll notice Boulevard ROI du Nord!?!?!?! Did some poutine shop buy a street?

Lastly, regardless of the Hitler angle, what is up with the Island of Jews, Strawberry Island, Kennedy Island and Paré Island (Paré means stop in Spanigh) being together?

I haven't seen such a funny confluence of names since Maria-Helena Youretoogay!