Thursday, February 12, 2009

Why I don't cook often

I actually managed to find the perfect combination of food to create the exact taste of cow shit. I took four good things, mixed them together and created a piece of shit. Much like reverse alchemy or la machine à caca. Do you want to know what it is? Oh god, I'm so ashamed:

- Spicy calabrese
- Real Gruyere
- Dijon mustard
- Chipotle flavoured wrap

(The only ingredient missing is shrooms)

Now, now. You may ask why I thought this ghastly creation would ever be a good idea. Well, maybe I didn't know what else to do with what was readily available. Maybe I still have a bit of laziness left in me after those last 2 months of hell and an awkward evening at the gym. Or maybe I subconsciously wanted to eat something as harsh and depressing as the music I was listening to. I don't know. What I do know is that, not unlike after my previous soul blackening dining experience, I am now back on the right track towards good eatin'. Thank you, shit sandwich!

11 comments:

Barbarosa said...

I would like no know more about your awkward evening at the gym.

Karl Hungus said...

yes. I too would like to hear more about your homosexual experience.

Napoleon Bonerpants said...

You know, Candyman. That level of sarcasm is hard to read in print.

Master of the Craw said...

Call me crazy but that actually doesn't sound so bad... well, except for chilpotle flavored tortillas. WTF?

Barbarosa said...

I am still waiting to know more about your awkward evening at the gym.

Karl Hungus said...

yeah, seriously, way to try and change the subject there Bonerpants.

Dementor said...

I love chipotl flavoured tortillas!
There's no way it can taste like shit!

Wait a minute....


Did you have that meal before your awkward experience at the gym or AFTER?

Napoleon Bonerpants said...

Ok, I'll explain the awkward evening. Sorry to spoil your rancid imaginings. It was only awkward because I was weak as a kitten and had no endurance. I therefore arrived home with a low self esteem. This is due to a whole month of sitting for days while being hammered by stress resulting in muscle atrophy. January left me as weak as an 18 year-old and as soulless as blue cheese. I must rebuild.

Dementor said...

The Bank will swallow your soul.

Barbarosa said...

''Wait a minute....


Did you have that meal before your awkward experience at the gym or AFTER?''

That was fucking funny. Laughed out loud! Sorry, lol!

Master of the Craw said...

the bank will invest your soul into a CDS only to then find out it doesn't have the collateral to pay you back for it.