Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Nerdlord's Winter Biking tips.

Yes, winter biking is dangerous. But, like chemical war, there are ways to survive it.The veteran biker already knows the ennemy's true nature. Those vile, cowardly car driving slimes are waiting at every corner to run him over with their oversized vehicles. It's already hard to survive them in summer, but in winter its almost a suicide mission. Nevertheless, the brave heroes still find the courage and the strenght to ride the snowy streets and fight the war on cars. Here are some tips for them:

Tip #1: Always watch your six.

The lazy backstabbing fiends that are roaming this city's streets will follow you wherever you go. Falling is a part of winter biking, so when you fall, you dont want it to happen in front of a truck. Always watch your six, and never ride in front of a car when rolling on shaky grounds.

Tip #2: How to survive a car run-over

If your constantly watching your back, then you wont see the large 4 cm wide chunk of ice that will inevitably make you lose balance if you're riding on 3 cm summer tires. And of course, cars wont disapear because you're watching them. So you need to know how to handle the car run-over when it happens. First, let go of the bike. Then, bring your legs as close to yourself as possible. Then, look up to the car and try to evaluate the speed at which it is heading at you. If its coming too fast, then forget about the next step and just lay down on the ground and hope you're thinner then the car's ground clearance. If its coming at you at a relatively slow speed, as is frequently the case during winter conditions, then try grabbing on to the bumper with both hands, while letting the car push you until it stops. During the push, try looking behind you to see if the car you are riding is gonna crush you against the car in front. In that case, slide under the car and let it run you over. If not, just wait until it comes to a stop. Remember to always keep your legs close to yourself. If you dont, then you're gonna have to switch to one of those weird hand operated bikes.
Once the car's come to a complete stop, stand up, take a sharp object or a massive one and insert it in the eye or the mouth of the driver. Make sure he doesnt die from his wounds, but remains crippled for life.


Barbarosa said...

You know, if you're going to copy ''Dr. Nudlebugger Guide to Winter Satisfaction'' verbatim like that, you should at least quote him. Otherwise its theft.

Karl Hungus said...

I actually just googled for Dr. Nudlebugger.

Dementor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dementor said...

What the hell are you barking about?

Dr Nudlebugger?

Man, you're definitely spending way too much time reading other people blogs.

Master of the Craw said...

I was going to post that there's a Winter Biking tutorial at right to move this Sunday but it seems they have run out of room... damn.
I have yet to break my snow biking cherry for '08.
I'm probably going to do this tomorrow. I'm just trying to find a decent pair of useable boots... I'm thinking hiking boots?

Master of the Craw said...

oh, fuck, I just brought in my bike for a tune up and realized my brake pads are worn to shit... I'm not even venturing out until I get those replaced.