Monday, August 3, 2009

I am an unstoppable monster that will eat his own children

I recently lived a moment of weakness where I thought my heart was just going to stop. I always thought it was in my mind but I just needed confirmation of that, and I finally got it. It was during this slice of life that I was once again reminded just how much power the mind has over the body. So now, with this little bit of wisdom, I’m here to rape the countryside and take back what is mine.

So yeah, today, I abused my body in every good and bad way all at once. I drank boiling water but had to add loads of hot sauce to it. In it were strange unidentifiable sea creatures. Afterwards, I emptied one last of many beers in my already reeling stomach. Finally, well…I went home. But, accidentally, I missed Berry Hill because of construction. But I just had to test my one-speed high ratio gear. So I went down the hill, turned around half a block further, waited for the light to turn green, and gave it a go…

My stride was that of a Behemoth, lunging ever forward, pacing in a catastrophic rampage of reckless abandon.

I can’t go back to small girly-man gears. To be honest, I haven’t understood the joy of cycling until now. It’s this gear. You HAVE to go fast otherwise you don’t get anywhere. And when you go uphill, you wonder what will give in first, your legs or the bike frame.

So yes, this was a post about cycling in disguise. And speaking of Behemoths, check this out if you don't already know about it


Dementor said...

yup... that's single speed joy all right... and how manly a ratio are we talking about here? might I inquire?

Napoleon Bonerpants said...

I don't know. Apparently, it's the same one as Crawmaster's

Barbarosa said...

That's all well, but you must get in shape to complete to the Island Tower. We reckon it will be 160km.

Napoleon Bonerpants said...


Dementor said...

Don't worry about it.
All you need is a good helmet.

(and maybe a pair of good knee pads)