Sunday, January 19, 2014

My first world white guy problem of the day

So I haven't really bought a computer game since the 90's. I remember that back then, I was never sure if the game would work with my computer. I always had to adjust the extended / expanded memory ratio by fucking around with autoexec.bat and config.sys files on a disquette using DOS. I still haven't seen the end of Gabriel Knight because of these shenanigans. I also recall deactivating the "turbo" on a 486 because Wing Commander space battles would play out at frenetic and unrealistic speeds. Obviously, times have changed so I felt pretty confident that I wouldn't have to put up with this kind of crap anymore. I have a decent standard and up to date computer. In this specific case, I couldn't download the "game" because it's Rocksmith 2014 which comes with a special USB cable for your guitar. I didn't want to wait so I went to a store and bought a copy early this afternoon to take advantage of the rest of the day to do some fancy guitar learnin'. While installing, I find out that I have to play the game through Steam which is new to me. I created an account and installed everything. I put in the correct product key and was ready to rock n' roll. But then, when trying to launch the game, I got this error "Failed to Contact Key Server". I looked in the forums and apparently, the most likely cause is that there aren't enough licenses available and I might have to wait several days (weeks?) before it'll work! What the fuck does that mean?! Am I to understand that the games that were physically manufactured didn't have equivalent licenses? What is the product code on the DVD then? Is that the key? What the hell is going on here? Did I buy a game or an ass raping? I don't have a monthly budget for ass rapings so maybe I made a mistake. That's when I realized that my memory management woes of old have been replaced by this Steaming pile of shit layer of license control. I know you guys love Valve and all that, but seriously, fuck...that...shit! I bought a non defective game to play on a fully functional computer and somehow, some asshole middleman managed to screw that up. To this day, I have never (legally) bought a game that worked on day one. My record goes unblemished. And it's not like I want Steam or anything. I'm not a gamer, I just want to play some guitar with my computer. Anyways, I contacted Steam support so we'll see.


Napoleon Bonerpants said...

So I found this discussion,

It seems Steam and others are reinventing the core principles of trade where you pay for something and get nothing in return. Support is not answering and I have no idea how long I have to wait. It seems that they find this to be an acceptable model. This gives me time to try to figure out how to effectively add to the already bad publicity that these companies seem immune to. #iwishhashtagsworkedonbloggercommentssothaticanquicklysayfucksteam

Dementor said...

They give ample explanations for this particular FWP.

Dementor said...

[EDIT] You know what bonerpants, I'm sorry for my first reply. I feel your pain man.

That being said, (I'm too lazy to look it up myself) how does this game interface with the guitar? where do you plug it?

Napoleon Bonerpants said...

It's an analog to USB cable called Real Tone. Pretty awesome cause the cable does the heavy lifting of conversion. In my book, that's the first USB cable that actually is worth 20$. No audio input sound card bullshit. Not sure if any other program uses it but Rocksmith comes with amp emulators so that should be cool as well. Though I've read that Guitar Rig could work with it as well. Chriss que j'ai h√Ęte. As for the issue, I tried configuring the port forwarding typically used for Steam but to no avail. I will try, this evening, to do the whole restart thing while bypassing the router. Still wish support could at least answer me so I know whether it's a technical issue or a missing key issue.

Barbarosa said...

Man, that's brutal.

You're being punished for doing things the way the company wants.

If it makes you feel any worse, I got the official free version of StarCraft 2 and it works with nary a hitch.