Monday, April 29, 2019

A eulogy to Alex Trebek

I'll be honest, eulogies are rarely interesting, they almost always are a bunch of generic praise that are at best unverifiable and at worst mediocre fables aiming to make the deceased seem better than he was.

The dead guy's friends and more often than not vague acquaintances get together at so-called funerals to talk about how great that person was. They then get the eulogy, this bizarre practice bordering on the edge of self-infatuation, where the speaker tries his best to convince himself and the others in the room they weren't completely wrong to involve themselves with the defunct.

Je vous ├ępargnerai donc les vulgaires et ignominieuses flagorneries, I will be honest, and give you a true and veritably honest eulogy for Alex Trebek, the guy who posted on this blog from 2006 to 2009 (more like 2006-mid2007, after that its all ads for lame dj nights).

Trebek taught me everything. (Except for how to insert blogpost hypertext because he never could do it. He never did it. As proof, here's his first failed attempt, here's another , and here's his second to last post ever on this blog )

One of the first things Trebek taught me was how funny it could be to be a racist. Yes, I didn't know this until Trebek taught it to me in this post right here, one of the first racist posts ever made on the internet.

Trebek was a true racist, one of the best breed, the likes they dont make anymore. He really was a racist's racist.
He's the one who got the idea to dress as a minstrel for halloween. Here's the undeniably deplorable proof of that.
Racist Trebek

Another thing Alex taught me was how to properly hate women. He was such a fine misogynist, one of the last real ones, the kind you could only find in a black and white french tv show from the late 50s.

Proofs that Trebek was a misogynist:

Also of note is how Trebek also had frequent fluff-ups with the non-cis people, as undeniably seen here.

Another thing I learned from Trebek was how to get a good laugh at fat kids. Trebek irrefutably laughed at fat kids

For all these things Trebek, I thank you. You truly were a mentor to Dementor.

You always were and always will remain the most nineteenbernardant person to ever post on this blog.

Lest we forget,
Alex Trebek
1971(?)-2019

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Alex Trebek was a racist?!? I thought he was black!

Barbarosa said...

Alex Trebek is love!A lovely human being who farted strawberry smells and pissed kombucha. So healthy.

Dementor said...

Dunno if he was black but he definitely hated you, Anonymous.
Somewhere over here there's proof of that.

Dementor said...

But I think you're confusing him with Alexandre Dumas.

Dementor said...

Shit man. Who knew the blog would turn into an obituary.
I guess we had it coming.

Master of the Craw said...

It is said that as time passes all things return to the 19 Bernard for it is eternal and the source of all things. May we find you there forever drinking shitty beer and playing guitar hero. As it was in the before time, as it shall be forever.

Master of the Craw said...

And Alex wasn't black. Sauf une fois au chalet.