Guide to Ethical Suicide

Hey you! Yeah, you, that guy with the blade against your wrist! Have you thought about what you're doing? No, I'm not talking about that. Your life does totally suck, and I honestly don't have the time, energy or imagination to think of a better solution to your problems.

I'm not here to discourage you from killing yourself. Rather, I want you to ENCOURAGE you to kill yourself ethically. What's that? Well, its a simple process I call 1, 2, 3, SUICIDE!



1. Think of those "close" to you
2. Think of all the innocent people you share the world with.
3. Think of yourself.
SUICIDE!

Just follow that order and we can all be happy, you especially.



Guidelines:

1. Don't choose a date too close to a birthday, anniversary, and/or special event. You're making the ultimate decision, the least you could do is plan ahead.

2. No, don't use a bridge, the métro, a train or any other public property. Especially not at rush hour. You are making everybody's lives that much more frustrating. We are ALL selfish, but c'mon.

3. Pills don't work well. Guns are cool. What does it say about you when you can't even take your own life away? Its the only thing that really belongs to you, and even then you don't know what to do.

Fucking up a suicide and becoming a vegetable in a hospital bed is not a good testament to your person. And its a total bummer on every other living being in this world. That annual 40 000$ that goes to caring for you could have gone to food for starving children, beating cancer, helping the environment and what not.


Your botched suicide is one more dead innocent child and one less living polar bear. You think those two chose to be born?



SUICIDE!

p.s. I was inspired to write this by being reminded of this guy:

Suicidally Incompetent Man Kills 11, Hospitalizes 200