the reason of my coolitude

first of all, let me congratulate dave for quitting this thing only to return a decade later to post our 400th post... the person who'll post the 500th will get a shot of jacques danielle.
now, for the serious part of this post, you may or may not have noticed, and by may or may not i mean may not, that i hadn't posted in a while, and by hadn't posted, i mean had not, that's called a contraction, i think. well, the reason for my not posting as often as i should have or, at least, as i may have had had i been more inclined to do so under favorable circumstances is none of your business. but, i'm a good guy, a pal, some might even say, or a jerk, whatever, i don't care, so i'll tell you why it is that it isn't (again, contraction, don't panic...) any of your business. have you noticed how business implies that you should be busy? i mean, what if i'm not busy right now and someone tells me "this is none of your business"? for it to be none of my business, shouyldn't (yes...) i have a business, be busy first? this is rather confusing and why i've been arguing for the abolition of the english language for quite some time now... but i digress. the reason of my absence lies in the fact that it's really cold outside, and being the cheap motherfucker that i am, i do not turn the heat up at home unless the fish tank's about to burst, which makes my fingers really numb. well, not the fish tank, just the cold i mean... now i'm at work, which means that my hands are warm again and i have all the time in the world on them to write the story of my life recently, or, if you prefer, the story of my recent life. by that i do not mean that my life is recent, i just mean that the recent events of my life make my life in the past few days or weeks very interesting and thought i'd share everything with you. so, by now, you should have figured that my life's been kinda hectic lately and you'll excuse my heavy drinking and groping.
oh, and this goes out to my two friends who don't have jobs and don't go to school (seriously, writing you memoir doesn't qualify as going to school and you know it you lazy ass): i do and do not envy you at the same time for being able to snort on wednesday nights... wonderful or pathetic? i still haven't figured it out yet....
ciao