Sunday, April 11, 2010

My therapist.

So I'm programming using a text editor called Emacs.
I was telling that to the MOC the other day and he kind of made fun of me, cynically telling me how bad ass it was that I was using a simple text editor instead of an elaborate development environment... wait! don't go away, it'll get interesting, I swear, just bear with me.
So, I was saying, I'm using Emacs to write programs, and a couple minutes ago, I was going to take a break from it all when I inadvertently noticed the Emacs Psychiatrist option in the Help tab of the Emacs menu.
I could not help but try it.
Here's what ensued.

I am the psychotherapist. Please describe your problems. Each time your are finished talking, type RET twice.

I'm depressed.

Are you depressed often?


I see... Well, why do you say this is so?

Because, most of the time I'm sad, and I don't smile much.

Is it because most of the time you are sad and you do not smile much that you came to me?

Yes. And also because you have a huge penis.

Does it bother you that I have a huge penis?

A little bit. It makes me affraid.

What makes you believe a little bit it makes you affraid?

Because, if you were going to use it on me, it would probably hurt.

When did you first know that if I was going to use it on you it would probably hurt?

I don't know that! I don't want to know!

Are you sure that you might not want to know?

Well, now that you're asking, I'm not. I'm not sure anymore.

Is the fact that I am asking you are not sure anymore the real reason?

Maybe it is not. Maybe it is because I am gay.

Does the fact that you are gay explain anything else?

It explains pretty much everything now that I think about it.

Have you been sure you think about it?


Can you elaborate on that?

On what!?

Earlier you said you felt depressed?

Yes I did. I'm sad and my friends are all assholes and my best friend is my computer.

You have your mind on computers, it seems.

Evidently, since you are my computer and I'm using you for therapy.

What happened when I am your computer and you are using me for therapy?

Well, uh... what?

What would happen if you are my computer and I am using you for therapy?



Master of the Craw said...

EMACS is notorious for having a bunch of easter eggs.

you should still be using a full fledged IDE. I promise your development time will be cut in half. I hope you're at least using makefiles.

Dementor said...

I don't use makefiles.
I also only use one hand when typing.
Its essential if I want to outlive the carpal tunnel. Same thing with the right eye. I never open it when coding.
And whatever length of code I have to write, I always rewrite the entire libC. And I dont use a chair. I stand on one foot, to balance out the one handed typing. Its all a matter of choice, really.

Dementor said...

(course I use makefiles)

Master of the Craw said...

And I imagine you go through dbg manually? that's got to be a pain in the ass.

Master of the Craw said...

er, GDB rather (gnu debugger)

Dementor said...


My programs have no bugs.

Karl Hungus said...


Dementor said...


Master of the Craw said...


Dementor said...

I was gonna say that!
(actually I was gonna write Art Queer)

Its like we're living parallel existences...

parallel, as in "I just hit a wall this week... my parallel program is working 5 times on 9, depending on the scheduler's good grace."

Master of the Craw said...

that's the problem with relying on schedulers.
OpenCL and CUDA are much more interesting for real parallelism, CUDA especially when all you're doing is number crunching.
I'll have to take a look at pant's neuro simulator. It should be really easy to parallelize.

Dementor said...

yeaaaaah... I should have written "pseudo parallel" I guess I should wait for my parallel programming class before doing any.... anyways, that karl guy, he's such an art queer.

Napoleon Bonerpants said...

The neuro simulator isn't quite done yet. I've been rethinking the testing and evolution dynamic. However, all the elements for the actual (simplistic) brain simulation are there. I can already randomly generate brains and shock them...mmyeeess

Master of the Craw said...

I'm going to write a virtual Satyre sim. It's going to involved him on a bike wading through traffic. You win the game if he makes it from point A to point B without killing someone.