Dear Sheldon Brown,
I've just finished washing and waxing my fixed gear bike for the second time this week so I know you can hear me. First of all, I want you to know how sorry I am for scorning you and my fixed gear obsessed friends the last few months. I thought they had unwarily fallen into the hype trap, and did not want to condescend with taking part in their pathetic display of attention seeking cooler-than-thou attitude so common with aging underachievers. Dear Sheldon, I really hate hype. Don’t ask me why, I think it goes back to my anti-gregarious killer instincts, probably packaged in with the Mesopotamian genes. Anyways, I got me a fixed gear bike. I got it mainly because of the combined pressure of my peers and the fact that my derailleur broke down and I did not want to pay me another one. But Mr. Brown, my bicycle has now taken over about 85% of my random access memory, and the idea of riding it pops up in my head about 3 times per every minute of the day. And today I even catch myself looking down every other bike and since the hype has not stricken the east yet, I was satisfied with owning the best one of all St-Michel Rosemont. Dear Sheldon, I’m afraid to turn into a hipster and I want you to help me out of this mess. I was thinking of starting to abuse steroids and grow a He-Man pompadour but scanning the net today I found out the hipsters have even annexed that style! (not the steroids, the pompadour). Please Mr Brown hear this prayer and answer quickly.
On another subject, I should like to share with you this trick I learned today. It consists of eating an overstuffed sandwich without losing any of the precious tasty stuff: Use your front teeth to cut through the sandwich while simultaneously applying pressure with your fingers so as to stop the sandwich inners from spreading out. It works!
12 comments:
Loser. Fixed gear is so first-half of 2008. It's all about the high tech shite!
my rear gear shift busted on me today, my brakes are worn to a nub and I think half the cables have to be taken out and oiled. I guess I have my project for the weekend.
Yes, and I believe Right to Move beckons!
Bet ya 2-1 that those same cables have to be taken out AND thrown out and replaced.
probably. they're rusted to shit... i might go to r2move tomorrow or friday after work if you want to tag along.
the only thing i tag along too is the incessant march towards death.
too = to
I though you was crawling away from life, you slimy maggot.
though = up your hairy oblong ass
the final verdict:
the gear shifter's cable was snapped. had to replace all the tubing to cover the cable since it was rusted to shit. had to replace the brake pads although i think that was premature... i still did it for shits and giggles. i oiled my chain and filled up my tires.
and... the guys says my chain has to be replaced, the gears are all worn out from using a rusted chain and will have to be changed too. the frame itself is complete crap (we knew that already) too... so, new project after paying of my marge de credit, credit cards and buying a new PC: i'm going to build a decent bike myself.
Nothing like a visit to R2M to perk your outlook on life.
Dildot, are you sure bikes will still be around in 2037?
they'll be around until cyberdyne installs AI into all bicycles in 2028. three years later the bikes are sentient and exacting their vengeance on mankind. that's when a hero, a man such as you, will appear to save us all.
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