The other day, I was trying to think of ways to prepare a whole bunch of organic root vegetables that I had. I then had the brilliant idea of making them into a purée, thus turning them into a sort of hummus. The day came where I put that plan into action. That day was today.
As I was cooking, I thought, hey, why not add some lentils? It'll only make it more substantial and more nutricious! So off I go and prepare my lentils. Once all the ingredients were ready, I whip out the blender. I make little batches, stuffing the veggies and lentils into the blender, helping the blade by pushing down the stuff so it purées evenly.
The first batch went well. The second was even better. The third was coming along quite well, I made some final adjustments, pressing the last little down. FWOOUTT!
A geyser of lentil purée grape-shot me in the face! Would you believe me if I told you I was surprised? I thought it was kind of funny, for like a quarter of a second. Then my body started spazzming and convulsing. Right about that point, the shooting pain crashed into my brain. I could not see.
Not so calmly, I went to the bathroom, remembering those safety eye sprinklers in lab high school chemistry lab. I doused my eyes with cold water.
The pain was searing. Not only those lentil purée not belong in your eye socket, the cayenne pepper in the purée isn't welcome either. Fuck it hurt.
I was still shaking.
I continued rinsing my eye with the water. After a bit I could open my right eye. I could open my left eye. So I pried it open with my fingers. I could not see my eye, as it was blocked by a wall of lentil purée! That was really scary. Seeing brown mush instead of your eye. I doused it some more. I got a bunch out. I still could'nt really see. I look in the mirror, and I see I have a lentil taking the place of a contact lense! That was both gruesome and hilarious. The pain quenched my laughing.
I had to flood my eye like a mofo, finally I had to shove my finger and push it out. But still the pain continued. The cayenne wasn't helping. I remembered how when I tasted the purée, it was spicy at the first bite. My poor eye tissue.
The ice cold water gave me some relief, but the pain would return quickly. After I a while, I finally took control of the situation.
The pictures of the kitchen do not give justice to the reality.
6 comments:
je voulais pas faire un post pour ça, mais l'album de Chocolat qui sort bientôt va s'appeler "Piano élégant"...
What a man! During that whole ordeal, you still managed to focus on how to broadcast evidence of your struggle on the blog. I once wanted to take a picture of me getting attacked by a dog but I didn't have a camera ready when it actually happened. I had the angle planned and everything!
!!!Lentils!!!
I knew they could be dangerous somehow. And they dont even give out any kind of warning on those cans neither. This is lawsuit action material right there.
Geez, I'm just glad it didnt happen to me though.
Made me think of that time I changed my lenses seconds after direct finger contact with Dave's asstronomic hot sauce.
So Jmo, you post things like this but you won't post when I take a dump on your face? I see how it's gonna be. From now on, I'm only eating hot sauce. Enjoy our next midnight meeting, it's gonna be a hot one, buckeye!
to clarify things, the pics were taken after the most frenzied part of the ordeal. The pain was still there when I took the picture though.
^and this is why you'll never make it in show-business.
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