Monday, February 19, 2007

and now, for a bit more Irony

The class is called "Seamanship and Navigation" and one day after I changed my name to Shipwreck, I just fucked up the final exam that might just stop me short of realizing my dream.

Absolutely no joke.

But still funny.

From somebody else's point of view.

If I do fail, I shall eat raw ground beef until my eyes bleed and I die in convulsions and bloody spews coming out of my every orifices.


Anonymous said...

yo wrecker... remember a conversation we had at green room about a month ago... take it easy, nothing's ever final or permanent... i'm in a slump with school too and most of the people i know who are finishing whatever sort of program are currently going through hell as well... you'l look back on it one day and be like "walk in the park, i tell you..."

Napoleon Bonerpants said...

Tell that to the captain of the Wilhelm Gustloff

Napoleon Bonerpants said...

And where's your code name, soldier?

Dementor said...

"remember a conversation we had at green room about a month ago..."

"nothing's ever final or permanent"

What world do you live in Trebek?

ana bananaz said...

Is Duke the same person as Shipwreck?
Life is all about never ending CHANGES that test your ability to stay sane in situations where you lose CONTROL. That's why I decided to quit my job. Does that make any sense?

Dementor said...

"Is Duke the same person as Shipwreck?"

Obviously you need a bit of Joe history.

Conrad Hauser was born in St. Louis, Missouri, in 1950. He was already fluent in English, French and German when he enlisted in the army. Once there, he enrolled in various schools including the U.S. Army Special Language School and airborne school at Fort Benning. With his extensive background in Chinese and Southeast Asian dialects, Duke joined Special Forces and worked with native South Vietnamese tribesmen. Afterwards, Duke returned stateside where he became an instructor in four different Special Forces schools. Before joining the G.I. Joe team, Duke had several other assignments. It was at this time that Duke became acquainted with Flint, whom he would later recommend for the G.I. Joe team.

Duke joined the Joe team in 1984, making his first appearance at the funeral of the Joes' commander, General Flagg. Cobra Commander sent a Cobra Rattler jet to buzz the proceedings to test out its capabilities. As the jet approached, Duke and Roadblock appeared and shot the Rattler out of their sky with their firearms. When he first joined the team, Duke told the team, "Things are going to be different from now on... I'm gonna make the sorry lot of you into soldiers!" He gained a reputation for being tough on the Joes, but they soon respected him and the team was better for his joining. When Hawk took over General Flagg's old post as commander of the Joe team, Duke became the Joes' field commander. Duke's first official assignment on the team was surveillance of the Bern Institute of Reconsrtuctive Surgery in Switzerland. Major Bludd was tracked to Bern when he brought the Baroness there for plastic surgery following a major battle. Eventually, several members of Cobra arrived and a wild car chase followed, resulting in the capture of Cobra Commander. The Joes new how important it was to hold on to their prisoner and took the commander to a plateau in the Rocky Mountains, where a pre-fab fortress was set up to defend the location if Cobra decided to retrieve the commander. Unfortunately, Storm Shadow made a surprise rescue in a Cobra CLAW glider. Unable to carry both men adequately, Storm Shadow let Cobra Commander leave him behind. Duke pursued in a small Sky-Hawk aircraft, but a firefight with two Cobra FANG helicopters occupied him long enough to let the prisoner get away. Back on the ground, Roadblock and Gung-Ho got the jump on Storm Shadow. Now the Joes had a new prisoner to replace the commander. Knowing their site had been compromised, Duke, Roadblock and Steeler took Storm Shadow to a cell in Alcatraz. They underestimated Storm Shadow and Duke was shocked to find Storm Shadow had somehow escaped. Even as the ninja escaped, another group of Joes found Zartan's swamp shack hideout in the Florida Everglades. Duke traveled down to Florida where he and Roadblock met up with Cutter and Deep Six, taking the Whale hovercraft and attacking the hideout. During the attack Destro arrived in a Cobra Rattler. Duke and the others were injured during the attack, but they all survived. Destro had escaped only to return with Firefly and steal the Whale. Returning to the G.I. Joe freighter, the Jane, Duke and Wild Bill took the Dragonfly 'copter to go after Destro. Duke wasn't about to let Cobra get their hands on a Joe vehicle. The Dragonfly was disabled by Destro's wrist-rockets, but they succeeded in recovering the Whale.

Months later, the Joes discovered a residential house in New Jersey was actually home to an undercover Crimson Guardsman. The Joes, lead by Duke, stormed the house but the Cobras weren't taken by surprise. Tomax and Xamot were there to rescue the Guardsman. Shooting Duke and Lady Jaye as the approached the front door, the Cobras destroyed the Joes' vehicle and escaped. If Duke and Lady Jaye had not worn bulletproof vests, they may have both died from their injuries. The Cobras had escaped, but they left behind clues to a secret Cobra operation in the Gulf of Mexico. Though the particulars were vague, Hawk sent Duke and a large team of Joes to the Gulf with a new G.I. Joe Battle Platform to investigate the area and defend it should Cobra attack. After a major battle with Cobra hydrofoils, the Joes discovered an underwater Cobra bunker that was using soundwaves to kill off the sea life in the Gulf. Due to the importance of the fishing industry, the Pentagon ordered the bunker destroyed. What the Joes didn't know was that the bunker was sitting on an undersea faultline. Cobra had tricked the Joes into aggravating the faultline, which thrust a massive portion of the ocean floor, creating Cobra Island. Though many of the Joes were injured and weary from the previous battle, Duke had no choice but to force Cobra's army off the island before Cobra could claim the island as their own. Duke personally led the assault, but as the tide of battle turned in favor of the Joes, the word came down from the Pentagon: Cobra's lawyers and diplomats in Washington, D.C. had gained official recognition for Cobra Island as a sovereign state. The Joes were forced to turn around and go home. Other major operations followed and Duke continued to lead the team into battle. When Hawk was promoted to General, he exercised his option to return to the field. Duke remained the team's first sergeant, still commanding his own missions from time to time. When the Joes invaded the Cobra-controlled town of Springfield, Duke commanded the security team, assisting in keeping the operation and the town secure. When the Joes entered the Cobra Island civil war on the side of Serpentor, Duke was Hawk's second-in-command, even taking charge when Hawk was temporarily captured and stayed in command until he rescued his commander. After that mission, Duke spent some time training new members of the Joe team and running tests on new vehicles and equipment.

Duke's most difficult mission started as a routine raid on Cobra Terrordromes in the desert nation of Trucial Abysmia. The mission soon turned disastrous when the team, led by Lt. Falcon and Duke, discovered that Cobra was involved more in the Middle East then was first believed. Trying to retreat into friendly territory, the group was overrun by Cobra soldiers led by Tomax and Xamot. Surrounded on all sides, Duke knew it was suicidal to fight on and surrendered to save his troops. Duke reacted angrily to the treatment the team was given by the Cobras and was badly beaten by the twin brothers. When Tomax and Xamot reported to Cobra Commander, they misunderstood his orders and sent a SAW-Viper to kill the prisoners. Four Joes were shot in cold blood before the rest of the group could escape in a captured Cobra tank. The escaping Joes were followed and the tank exploded, killing the all of the Joes except for Duke, Falcon and Cross-Country. When a Joe rescue team arrived, Duke went after the SAW-Viper, but he couldn't bring himself to shoot the now-unarmed man. The discoveries made by Duke's team led to the Joes biggest operation, fighting against Cobra and the nearby nation of Benzheen. It was some time before Duke recovered from that tragic mission.

Duke returned to duty to help the original G.I. Joe defend the government's top secret laser installation against Cobra's attempt to steal the technology hidden there. Shortly afterward, Duke was at the Pit (Joe HQ) in Utah when Cobra Commander tried to invade his enemies' base. Duke successfully defended the Pit and subsequently led a mission into Cobra Island, which was discovered to have been abandoned by Cobra. Later on, Duke led the newly-formed Star Brigade in a joint mission with the former Soviet unit, the October Guard. Soon after that mission, the Joe team was disbanded and Duke helped "retire the colors" at the ceremony that closed down the Pit and the team. Shortly afterward, Duke joined Hawk and a small group of Joes for one last mission to deliver an important piece of equipment to a government installation. Chased across the country, Duke and the others lost the device and had to track it down at Cobra's castle in Trans-Carpathia. Some time later, Cobra forces in Europe were defeated by regular military forces and its high command scattered. Following that mission, Duke seemed to leave the Army and "disappear". In reality, he began working classified "black ops" for a secret government agency. A number of his missions for the group involved tracking down former members of Cobra, all fugitives since the group was dissolved. He worked with his former teammate Chuckles when the undercover agent had arranged a meeting with the mercenary Firefly. The former Cobra agent was brokering an arms deal with Chuckles' alias to supply a mysterious employer with weapons. Duke and Chuckles took charge of a top secret military unit known as the Hammer Team on a mission to capture Firefly. The team included former Russian commando Mikhail Derenko, and Sean Collins -- the son of former Crimson Guardsman Wade Collins. It was believed that one of the Hammer Team was a traitor and Duke hoped to force the traitor to reveal himself by secretly including semi-retired Snake-Eys in the mission, hoping that his appearance would force the traitor to change his plans. The mission proved to be a disaster when Firefly realized what was happening and detonated a number of explosions that killed most of the Hammer Team. While making his escape, Firefly killed Snake-Eyes' young apprentice, Ophelia. Duke would regret his actions during that mission for years to come.

While Sean Collins took time off from the Army and began his ninja training under Snake-Eyes, Duke and Chuckles continued to try and capture Firefly. They discovered that Hammer Team member Mikhail Derenko had not died a year earlier and had been the traitor on the team. He was now trying to round up former Cobra agents for a new organization, and Firefly was working for him. Duke contacted Storm Shadow, who was still recovering from the brainwashing he received at the hands of Cobra Commander. He allowed Firefly to find the ninja and try to recruit him for Derenko's group. The operation backfired when Snake-Eyes, Sean Collins, Jinx and Budo interrupted seeking revenge against Firefly. Duke and Chuckles were forced to reveal themselves to save Sean and Snake-Eyes. Snake-Eyes and the others were angered by the admission, but Duke convinced them to help he and Chuckles stop Firefly and Derenko from accessing a secret Cobra vault containing information about a secret weapon. The former Joes foiled the plot, though Firefly and Derenko both escaped. Weeks later, after Sean Collins completed his ninja training and took the name Kamakura, Duke recruited him to work for his organization. On another operation for the group, Duke was sent to an arctic research station and fought a group of mutated soldiers who had been involved in a lab accident. Many of his team members were either killed or were transformed into monstrous creatures. Duke barely got out alive and the incident haunted him for some time.

In 2001, Duke was sent into Russia to track down Major Bludd, who had been on the run for years, and was still wanted for the murder of General Flagg. After a fight and a chase, Bludd escaped, but Duke was led to the room he had been staying in, and found a note left behind by Bludd, telling of a meeting set up by Cobra Commander. It appeared that Cobra had returned to the United States, and Duke's discovery led to the reinstatement of the G.I. Joe team. The team's first new member was Kamakura, who had taken surveillance photos of the Commander's return to the United States under orders from Duke. Hawk once again made Duke the team's field commander, though he apparently no longer holds any formal rank in the military. Often briefing the Joes on their missions, Duke also spends time in the field. Several years after his first mission to the research lab, Duke led a team of Joes to the abandoned lab and fought the same creatures he found years before. This time, his team all made it out and one of the original scientists was rescued, helping Duke to put the original mission behind him. Duke later joined the Joe team in their invasion of Cobra Island to fight the forces of a revived Serpentor.

Duke came into conflict with members of the team when he hatched a plan to capture Destro in Sierra Gordo. The nation's new president contacted Duke after Destro offered his services to the country to help them fight a group of invaders who were secretly Destro's Iron Grenadiers. A team of Joes were sent in to assist Sierra Gordo's army in the battle, but Duke had not told them that he setting up Destro to be captured. In fact, he hadn't told Hawk or any other Joe what he was planning. Duke personally captured Destro, two Joes were injured in the fighting. After the operation, Duke faced angry teammates, including Hawk and Flint, who were even considering throwing him off the team for unnecessarily endangering troops. Before the situation was completely resolved, the Joe team baited Cobra Commander into a trap by making him believe Destro was onboard a train guarded by the Joes. Destro helped set the trap in exchange for his freedom. In the battle that followed, Hawk was shot and paralyzed by Cobra Commander, who was in turn captured by the Joes. In Hawk's absence, Duke took control of the team, but soon found himself fighting the cabal of generals known as the Jugglers. With Destro once again free and in command of Cobra, the Jugglers have begun cracking down on the Joes, intent on reigning in the team or disbanding it all together. Now, with Hawk seemingly despondent and unwilling to retake command, Duke is doing all he can to keep the team together, but the future of the G.I. Joe team remains uncertain.

As for Shipwreck :

Shipwreck grew up in the shadow of the San Diego Navy Yards and dreamed of a life at sea. At the youngest possible age, he joined the Navy with his parents' permission. He graduated the Great Lakes Naval Gunnery School and later served with distinction in the Mekong Delta, fighting smugglers and river pirates. He also spent time at bases in Japan and Cuba, and participated in carrier-based operations in the Middle East. His experience eventually earned him a spot on the G.I. Joe team. He first worked with the team in the Gulf of Mexico, directing the Joes in readying the tactical battle platform. He wasn't impressed with the soldiers' potential as sailors, and didn't make many friends as he ordered them around as the platform was made operational. In the battle with Cobra that followed, it was obvious that Shipwreck's bark was just as bad as his bite, and he wasn't as disciplined as he lead the Joes to first believe. The quintessial -- almost stereotypical -- sailor, Shipwreck at times seemed like he belonged more on a pirate ship than an aircraft carrier. But, despite all of his brash and obnoxious behavior, he still proved to be courageous, tough and loyal.

Most of Shipwreck's missions were as part of the crew of team's various naval vessels, during operations like the rescue of Ripcord and Snake-Eyes from Cobra Island, and retrieving a Soviet defector from a ship crewed by the October Guard. His pet parrot, Polly, joined him on one or two missions, but the bird's habit of spouting naval commands and the occasional sea shanty assured that he didn't participate very often. Shipwreck made his way to the battlefield during the Battle of Springfield and the fight against Dreadnoks in the New Jersey swamps. He later piloted a WHALE hovercraft to Cobra Island during Cobra's civil war and ended up on land once the vessel was hit by enemy fire. After many years with the Joe team, Shipwreck underwent Navy SEAL training, leaving some hoping it would straighten him out and teach him more discipline. In reality, it simply made him tougher on the battlefield. Shortly after returning to the Joes, the team was shut down in 1994. He then took some time off from the military and began running a tour guide service for wealthy people around the world. He also continued to shut down pirates and drug operations, giving him a reputation in the underworld.

In 2001, the Joes team was reinstated to fight a revived Cobra, and Shipwreck was one of the very first of the old team to rejoin. He helped stop Cobra's attack on Washington, DC, fought Cobra operatives on a freighter, protected Hawk from an assassination attempt by Storm Shadow and battled against a revived Serpentor on Cobra Island. He later fought Destro's new recruit, Wraith as the mercenary freed Major Bludd and Scrap-Iron from Blackwater Prison. A short time later, members of the Joe team fought Cobra forces that were drawn into an attack on a train guarded by the Joes, believing that Destro was being held prisoner onboard. At the battle's end, Hawk was shot in the back by Cobra Commander and paralyzed. In Hawk's absence, the Jugglers began to take control of the team to reign it in, if not disband it altogether. Eventually, the team's roster was cut down to only a dozen Joes including Shipwreck. That small team defended the new Pit against Cobra's attack, but Shipwreck and most of those Joes were reassigned to other units. After the remaining Joes stopped a plot by Cobra to unleash the weapon known as the Tempest, and defeated a new threat, the Red Shadows, the military again disbanded the team.

For more info, visit :

its good being unemployed.

BackstreetBitch said...

c'est beau les temps libres où on écrit des longs textes stupides que personne en a rien à foutre au lieu d'étudier comme du monde pis après ça vient chialer "beuh euh euh jvais passer ma vie à bouffer de la marde beuh euh mais quess que jvais bien pouvoir faire beuh euhh euhh"
bravo, vraiment, bravo.

tu me dégoute.

Dementor said...

ta yeule.

BackstreetBitch said...

fourre ta graine dans une bouse.

Dementor said...

Bientot bebe, bientot... je reviens vendredi

BackstreetBitch said...

si moi je suis une bouse, tu es une maladie de Hirschsprung dans un stade avancé, sale despote.