Unspeakable Grief and Horror

Act 1: Humfred, Rupert and Joe are sitting in the living room.

- How was the ride, Rupert?

- Oh it was great.

- And Liz?

- Oh yes. Liz is ok.

- Good, good.

- Yes. Hmmm....

- ...

- ...

- Would you care for a glass of water?

- Yes, hmmmyes...

- Okidoo...
(Humfred leaves the room, walking quickly)

- Hmmm....

- So, Rupert, I hear you're in the mustard trade? How is business these days?
(Rupert adjusts his monocle and takes a puff on his cigar)

- Hmmyes, mustard is all right, I suppose, Yes.... hmmm, hmmm... Grains are up though. Not good for now, but it'll go down, yes... hmm....

- Course, course... it's a sure shot.
(Joe scratches his nose, looks at Humfred who's coming back with two glasses of water)

- Here you are Rupert. Enjoy.

- Thank you Humfred.
(Rupert takes the glass...)

- DON'T!!! DON'T DRINK! DON'T DRINK IT!
HE DIPPED HIS PENIS IN IT! DON'T DRINK IT!

- BY JOVE! WHAT THE HELL?

- HE DIPPED HIS PENIS IN YOUR WATER DON'T DRINK IT RUPERT!


- Humfred??? By God! Did you really?

- Course he did! He always does that.
(Humfred looks at them in shame)

- It's true, I... I... I couldn't... I had to do it... I'm sorry Rupert.
Let me get you another one.

- Hmmm...