Sunday, January 6, 2008

Our future


(Which one these is a really bad idea?)


(Both)


You know, like many people, the movie Event Horizon scared the bejeesus out of me. And its subject matter is still a hot topic during evenings of shroom induced paranoia. But at least it remained fiction…until now.

Scientists around the world are lauding the coming inauguration of the great doomsday machine, the CERN Large Hadron Collider. Now, I don’t mind if the world suddenly explodes and everything perishes instantly. What I don’t like is the idea of being accosted by an eyeless Sam Neil at a cannibalism and scatophilia party.



And yes, its all very improbable but it is still possible! Of all people, you’d think scientists would understand that there is no simple answer to all of their flawed models and that searching for such an answer through shortcuts could only open up a world of pain. It is arrogant of them to think that their limited human insight on the universe and colorful optimism could warrant such reckless behavior. If they don’t know what the results of a particle acceleration of that caliber will be, how can they be so certain that the Earth won’t be sucked into a black hole? And furthermore, how do we know for certain that there isn’t flesh eating chaos on the other side? Already, some well informed scientists contest their generally lax state of mind with theories of their own.

To find out more about our impending eternal damnation, you can consult the following article. Make sure to read section 7: “Safety concerns”.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Large_Hadron_Collider

And remember, if, on a warm summer day in 2008, your body turns inside out or you notice that your next door neighbor is eating your fingers, or better yet, you have a strange sensation that time is going backwards or sideways, you'll know that it will have started here:

8 comments:

Karl Hungus said...

First of all, have you ever even been to a cannibalism and scatophelia party? They're not that bad.

Second of all, concerning the last photo you posted displaying the immense size of CERN, something to say I do:
You just know there's a construction guy that decided not to finish tightening the screws on some part of some pipe at some point because it was Friday afternoon and close to quittin' time. Result: death for all. I can just hear him now.

"I fucked up! I fucked up! I made a stupid mistake and I fucked up!!!"

I hope to hell he has time to commit suicide before others kill him or the world implodes.


PS: Have you noticed that letters CERN can be found in CONCERN?

Dementor said...

uh?
what's this shit all about?

Dementor said...

ARG!!!

Dementor said...

In a cannibalism/scatophilia party, do they eat the shit made of the people they already ate prior in the cannibalism part? Does the party goers who is late and there's only shit for them to eat, are them called cannibalistics as well? Because it is made of people, that shit they're eating.

Anonymous said...

time going sideways sounds awesome! can't wait!

Napoleon Bonerpants said...

Fool, you can only hope that there are loose screws. Better a local explosion than a cosmic implosion.

Napoleon Bonerpants said...

By the way, that big circle is an outline of the actual contraption that is underneath (27 km in circumference). If there is a doomsday machine, this is it.

Anonymous said...

DOOMSDAY! DOOMSDAY! DOOMSDAY!